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Please Reply

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2018 2:09 am
by LisaS
I am 43, a mother (Sadly, I passed my depression and anxiety on to one of my children) a wife, a professional; and I have always suffered from major depression, suicide ideation (and attempts), debilitating anxiety, PTSD issues, and It seems that now I can no longer sleep. I see a psychiatrist once a month and I am on multiple medications. I have been trying to mask how out of it I felt all week. I almost made it, but then I made a big mistake today by opening my mouth. I apologized, but I cannot undo it.
I am just so exhausted from this eternal battle. Can't we just find a way to allow people in my situation to say, "Enough! No more! I am stepping away from this--now!" I just want out and there has to be a way for that to be okay! Any ideas?

Re: Please Reply

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2018 2:00 pm
by ImJohn
Hello Lisa,

I'm so sorry you've had to endure all the things you describe in your post. It sounds awful and, let's be honest, it is awful.

I can understand you 'wanting out' having been there myself but really, isn't it that you just want all the awfulness to stop? I mean, if someone could wave the proverbial magic wand and for everything to be OK with you and your child (the one who's inherited depression) wouldn't that be better?

You say you're exhausted. Yeh, I get that too, having had the high pressure job (easy) and been through divorce and family strife (hard) with no let up for years and years. 24:7 on call at work and at home plus an inherited depressive tendency ... shattered, broken, exhausted; deep down exhausted with nothing left but plodding on and on...

You're so right about stepping away, you need to (this is just my opinion, obviously) and those around you will just have to understand or at least accept that that is the situation. It's not weak to step away for a while, it takes strength and, honestly, no matter how good you are at your job and how 'vital' you think you are (and people say you are) in all areas of your life, the world will still carry on while you take a break.

I hope this has been of some help.

There is hope, honestly. You may find some here. Maybe there'll be one comment, one telling phrase from a fellow sufferer. Maybe.

I wish you all the very best.

John. :D

Re: Please Reply

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2018 2:11 pm
by LisaS

Thank you. You are the first person to respond to any of my posts/replies/etc. in the online world. I am really trying to keep my mask on, so I can keep on working, especially since work is the only thing I do have some bit of control over in my life. That said, why don't we have a way for someone like me to thoughtfully plan an exit strategy. If I had no children, I definitely would not be here anymore. I don't know. I guess, I will just have to work on a way to thoughtfully plan my own exit strategy anyway. Maybe I can invent something that fills a need for someone else in the future. My poor teenager. What will she do?

Re: Please Reply

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2018 3:34 pm
by ImJohn
Hi Lisa,

No problem replying to you or anyone else. That's the whole point of the forums after all. :wink:

It's not wrong to feel you want to plan an exit strategy, I bet most, (if not all) the people who come here have thought about taking the exit door at some time. So this mask you keep on what is it that it's hiding? Is it your desire to leave? Or is the exit the ultimate hiding place for something else you'd rather keep away from the rest of humanity?

I'm intrigued, but I don't want to pry. And in any case I'm responding to your posts so it's your direction I should be taking; you're in control of the 'conversation' as it were.

Best wishes again.

John. :D

Re: Please Reply

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2018 5:15 pm
by LisaS
I just saw your question asking about my "mask." I will think about how better to describe that and reply later when I have a bit more time. Time. I hate time. There is never enough and there is always more to do than time given. Anyway, thank you for the question. It might help my mind by giving it some sort of focus for the next bit. I have really been scattered this week. More later.

Re: Please Reply

Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2018 1:50 pm
by Life_Hope_Love
Hi dear,
I know it can be really hard to cope after having a difficult past. But, look how far you've come! I think you're doing so good. You're acknowledging these really difficult emotions, you're reaching out for support, you're moving forward no matter how hard it is. Growth is hard, and the fact that you're aware of some issues you're having is a sign you're growing. You will look back on this time and be so glad you worked through it. It's so important to take time for self care and down time, even if others may not get it.
I have gone through a lot pf depression, PTSD issues and getting connected to a good church for emotional and spiritual support was a big step in feeling better.
Keep going, there is hope and light for your future!

Re: Please Reply

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 6:53 am
by bsbmom
L, you eloquent writing of such difficult struggles is so encouraging, and almost makes someone like me not see them as such 'negatives'. So that got me thinking...why do we see it(them) that way? Why do we put on those 'masks'? We are who we are, and I almost feel empowered to not worry so much about the takes too much energy & time (that you mention we are so lacking in--and here we are just adding to it). I wonder: I've always been taught that the struggles we endure....are almost something to be be glad for, as we CAN overcome them, and we are so much stronger for having been through them. Hmmmm......