Stuck in a big black hole

[Val]

Hello everyone:

I got here yesterday while I was searching for depression support, I'm 22 years old and this year has been pretty rough, I was ok with it not trying to think much about the things that happenned but a month ago it just hit me and now I'm more depressed than ever.
I've been taking meds since I was 14, I've always been a depressed person even though if you would see me, you won't believe I'm depressive, when I'm around people I'm always smiling, very happy and I like to make people feel good, and I don't pretend, I feel good, it's just that sometimes I encounter with my sadness, specially at night when I'm about to sleep.
Today I went to the dr and I'm taking new meds, I really want to get better, although sometimes I just want to kill myself, in fact, I want to kill myself all the time it's just that I don't do it for a religious purpouse, I do it for god, I don't want to be ungratefull, I have many things that I should be proud of but I've been trough so much this year that I've collapsed and I just want to die, I want to die but at the same time I want to live and overcome this.
I need help, I need someone willing to listen, I need a little bit of love because I feel lost, and now for me, I feel I'm trapped in a hole and I just can't see the light, I'm scared, I don't want to feel like this forever.

please help me


big hughs to you all

[Emotional_77]

Hi and welcome to the forums, if you ever need to talk you can always pm me.