Depression Understood Forums

Hello

I'm a 21 year old lost girl. I like in Hampshire in England and I have been struggling almost half my short life.

It started when I lived with my mum and step dad. What a fiasco. The shouting, the violence, the abuse, so much abuse, some man that had walked into my life and was supposed to be a father, support figure. I was made to feel worthless in every sense. Not good enough for anyone apart from what he wanted. This went on for some time. Until I got in a situation that triggered the repressed feelings and they then got me to call my dad and explain what happened.

Since the. I've lived with my dad and went through the last end of school with constant worry of if I would bump into them, those people who were meant to be my family. I had been to the police and through hell and back whilst trying to complete gcse's. I had counselling through school too, to try and stop me hating myself and hurting myself and try and make me a strong person again. It worked. Temporarily.

I haven't had contact with that half of my family for a few years now including my grandparents on that side. It's too painful. But just recently they haven't been well and I'm at an age where going to see them, I feel is important, but that part of my life had been buried but I've dug it all up again by gaining contact.

I am struggling. Really bad. I have a wonderful support network in my boyfriend who I have know throughout my entire time at school and his family but it doesn't help not entirely. Every time I talk to him about it I feel the pain in his eyes because he hates what I went through as a child and the torment it caused and how destroyed I was by it. He was there the whole time watching me build myself back up again concreting the cracks until they all came out again. I struggle to get up and work. When I'm not working I'm sleeping or crying. Nothing helps really.

I've been to the doctors but their only advice was counselling again. But I can't. I can't bring it all back properly again to have to re love those moments again through talking about it. To have those flashbacks. It kills me inside. I just want to be the happy, bubbly, confident and outgoing person I was once. And I want to be strong but i am so anxious and feel I'm not good enough for it like through the events of my past I'm not worthy of happiness. And the worst part was none of it was my fault.

So that's me, hi. I guess I'm just looking for, well I don't know, anything I guess.

The kindness of a stranger.

Carrieanne

Hello from "across the pond" as they say. I'm in the USA, but understand a childhood of domestic violence. I'm just very glad for you that you were able to get away from it to a relatively safe place with your dad, and that you did get help in counseling.

I know what you mean about not wanting to go back to counseling. It does force you to bring those painful memories back, and it's like reliving them over again. Now you're 21, an adult, and you have the freedom to live your life the way you choose. Independence is wonderful, isn't it?! I try to use this strategy in my life each time I'm facing a challenge, whatever it is: I pretend that I've acted on a decision and then looked back on it to see what I think about it. Kind of that 20/20 hindsight ahead of time.

I have to say I think it's very loving and compassionate of you to visit your sick grandparents. Your love and unselfishness is an example to them and others, and may even serve to help you heal from the past. Think of what would happen if they died without you speaking to them? You would never have the chance to reach out once they're gone.

I encourage you to think about who you are today. You're a survivor! The past doesn't have to dictate your future. You can decide what you value, and then cherish those things. You can decide what you want to do with your life, and then do it. You can choose how you treat people, and how you treat yourself. Compassion and forgiveness pave the way to a beautiful life.

Hi everyone
I am new here and working for Age calculator , date calculator and birthday calculator .

Carrieanne wrote:Hello

I'm a 21 year old lost girl. I like in Hampshire in England and I have been struggling almost half my short life.

It started when I lived with my mum and step dad. What a fiasco. The shouting, the violence, the abuse, so much abuse, some man that had walked into my life and was supposed to be a father, support figure. I was made to feel worthless in every sense. Not good enough for anyone apart from what he wanted. This went on for some time. Until I got in a situation that triggered the repressed feelings and they then got me to call my dad and explain what happened.

Since the. I've lived with my dad and went through the last end of school with constant worry of if I would bump into them, those people who were meant to be my family. I had been to the police and through hell and back whilst trying to complete gcse's. I had counselling through school too, to try and stop me hating myself and hurting myself and try and make me a strong person again. It worked. Temporarily.

I haven't had contact with that half of my family for a few years now including my grandparents on that side. It's too painful. But just recently they haven't been well and I'm at an age where going to see them, I feel is important, but that part of my life had been buried but I've dug it all up again by gaining contact.

I am struggling. Really bad. I have a wonderful support network in my boyfriend who I have know throughout my entire time at school and his family but it doesn't help not entirely. Every time I talk to him about it I feel the pain in his eyes because he hates what I went through as a child and the torment it caused and how destroyed I was by it. He was there the whole time watching me build myself back up again concreting the cracks until they all came out again. I struggle to get up and work. When I'm not working I'm sleeping or crying. Nothing helps really.

I've been to the doctors but their only advice was counselling again. But I can't. I can't bring it all back properly again to have to re love those moments again through talking about it. To have those flashbacks. It kills me inside. I just want to be the happy, bubbly, confident and outgoing person I was once. And I want to be strong but i am so anxious and feel I'm not good enough for it like through the events of my past I'm not worthy of happiness. And the worst part was none of it was my fault.

So that's me, hi. I guess I'm just looking for, well I don't know, anything I guess.

The kindness of a stranger.

Carrieanne

*****************************************************************************
Hi Carrieanne,
How are you?
I hope today is better than yesterday.
Peace,
Grace

Hello,

I am getting there slowly how are you?

Carrieanne

Carrieanne wrote:Hello,

I am getting there slowly how are you?

Carrieanne

********************************
Hi Carrieanne,
I'm not doing to well, but I did see a psychologist this past tuesday and i see her again on tuesday. I'm glad you're getting there slowly, good to hear. Nice to post to someone on here. Wow it's slow on here, quiet, just dreary when I know lots of people are on here. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong. Anyway, real nice to hear from you. I hope you have a nice weekend. --Grace