Depression Understood Forums

I feel like I worry 24/7. I worry about myself, the people I love and those around me. Heck, I am even nervous about typing this non-important first post. My worries seem to be trapped in an infinite cycle. As I am writing, my brain tells me that everyone has worries and that I am not the only one, so stop being a loser and get on with your life. I don't even know what I want from posting this. I know I sound stupid, I will get mocked, it will put others in a bad mood. I worry about what others think of me and even more about the effect I have on others.

To be very honest, I have lost most of my friends. Somewhere along the way, i stuffed up and they were done dealling with me. I still don't know what went wrong and those few people left around me are drifting away slowly. I must have done something wrong. I feel so bad, I must have made them feel shit too.

Recently, I have never felt more alone. I can't seem to tell anyone anything. I worry about what people might think of me. I worry that my worries are too small for people to care. I worry that I would be a burden to the only people I have left.

See? I can't even get to the point in this post because my brain is such a mess right now and I have real trouble expressing myself. I just hope that I can get something out of typing my thoughts out. It has taken me more than 2 hours to write this far. And god knows how many times I have deleted lines and read over The top half of my post. Half of it makes no sense and no one will read it anyway.

I have tried to help myself by signing up for a counseling session. I chickened out last minute because there were too many thoughts going on in my head about what they might think of me and maybe they could use their time on someone that actually needs it. More importantly, I don't know what is wrong with me even if they asked. I don't even know if I have depression or any mental illnesses. Saying that I worry just isn't a good enough reason to get counseling. I mean, don't we all? But I also know that if I don't get help, I would eventually be a burden to my loved ones. Getting help would be a burden, not getting help would also be a burden... I don't know what is right or wrong anymore.

I have hardly slept for the past month because too many contradicting voices were running through my head all day. I don't know how to end this post. I am already having second thoughts about this and might delete it. I haven't opened up to anyone for three years and it terrifies me that I am posting this online.

Anyway, hope I didnt get anyone in a bad mood-if anyone actually understood the mess I wrote just now. I wish you all a nice day/night nonetheless.

Hi

First of all Thumps up to you that you defy the odd and came up with all courage to not only identify your problems and to rectify it as well. It really takes a lot of effort to realize this thing but once again I really appreciate it.
Now coming to your problems I have summarized your post with below mentioned issues
1- Too much worries
2- Thinking and getting sad that what others think about you
3- Your friends have left you and few have just remained
4- Feelings that you might have done something bad to your friends that's why they left.
5- You feel and worry that your problems are too small to be cared by others.
6- You want to seek help but you think that doing so will burden someone
7- Lastly you couldn't get enough sleep and rest coz of listening voices.

These all issues are all related to THOUGHTS. So we will try to get rid of these thoughts by taking few necessary steps . To rectify these issues you don't need to go any where but just need to focus and concentrate and I assure you that like I came out of it couple of years ago by healthy discussions , you too will be able to do so as you have already done the First part of Identifying the Problem.

Problem 1- Too Many Worries
This type of thinking shows that you think too much about yourself or your issues. You need to make realize yourself that Things and matter does not move with your thoughts and plans. It's not necessary that our each and every plan gets executed on our wish and command. It's the will of God who has created me and this world and who's WiLL is prevailed in every matter of my life . So when you will start thinking by that way and try to shift all your matters and issues towards God so what will happen that eventually You are letting off all the burden off from your mind and soul. This will not only Give you positive energy that yes God is with me and God will bless me more of its bounties and will guide me in all my matters, also it will be a start of shifting about how you think and You badly need to change your way of thinking about matters otherwise you will not be able to come out of your Worries. Practice this first and if it works and you feel better , we can discuss further about your others above mentioned issues in detail.

Cheers