Depression Understood Forums

I Suffer from Depression. It started late last year. At first, It terrified me, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders while ALL the emotions and feelings were drained out of me. I started losing interest in EVERYTHING that used to make me happy. Friends, Family, Music, Everything. Happiness was just absent, I found everything pointless cos it doesn't make me feel any better, all I feel is sadness. I find it pointless to get out of bed in the Morning. I have NO REASON to smile, I look foward to nothing. But I had surrounded myself with so many friends already, I felt so disconnected from them. Everything we used to do together was just dull and grey for me. I see them smile and laugh but to me it's all the same, just sadness throughout my day.

I don't want anyone to feel like I'm abandoning them or I'm distancing myself from them so I fake it, I put on a smile everyday, almost a mask, I drag myself out of bed and do my daily routines although it's hard, almost impossible, in fact cos I feel so empty. I go to school, I go out, I hang out with friends, everyday i constantly drag myself to do things cos it's what normal people do and it's what Society expects from me but I have no interest in any of it, What I really want is to be alone, crying on my bed as I do every night cos I can't sleep. I just lay there and surrender myself to my thoughts.

I feel dead. I'm totally disconnected from the rest of the world emotionally. My body is the only attachment I still have in the world. I can't be happy, I can't be angry, I can't feel anything, I don't find anything funny anymore. I'm just dragging my body along as hours pass.

I have so many people looking up to me. I have people who love me, Friends and family who care about me, A girlfriend who adores me yet I can't receive what they're giving, nor can I give it back. These people see me as a normal person yet I feel like a mere corpse. I don't want to hurt anybody, I don't want them to see what im going through. I find it a lot easier to stay in bed all day, reading articles about other people suffering from this darkness, At least I can relate with them. At Least they know how it is for me.

Depression, I've learned, isn't caused by sadness or being alone. In Varsity, I have people who think we're friends, best friends even, yet I barely remember their names. I'm doing great academically, In fact, when I'm in class is the only time I see colour. Otherwise my entire life is grey and my comfort zone is in utter solitude, painted black with a pool of tears.

I love my girlfriend so much. I've told her about it but she's overly optimistic about it. She tells me it'll all be fine, telling me I must pray, Her optimism keeps me alive really but it's only limited in facilitating my survival.


I like to think I have a strong relationship with God, I pray twiice a day and I am unashamed about my faith in HiM but... I see no change, Mikaela. I've given HiM all I can, God knows my intentions and my purpose in this world but I can't even find a purpose for the day. I'm drifting deeper and deeper out of the real world. Too often for my own good, I think I've reached my time-span In this world, seeing as I'm so disconnected from it, I feel like emotionally i died sometime last year but God forgot to take the life out of my body, it comes with no saying that I always think about doing it myself instead.


I'm sorry to bother you with my problem. But my story has to be told.

And please talk to me as a normal teenager. No amount of asking me to pray, go to church or strengthen my relationship with God and bible verses will make a difference cos trust me, I've done all the above to the best of my abilities but I'm still right where I started.

Hi there, thanks sharing your story.

I too suffer from depression and it's not a nice feeling at all. All the above you said is some of the things I suffer with.

I may not know exactly what your going through and as I'm in recovery it's probably hard for me to say that everything will be alright and your not on your own because right now I know you won't believe and it's only family and friends who you in a sense be with at those difficult times when you go through this.

Depression is still misunderstood this day and age and not everyone gets it. Unless they have gone through it then they will know but it's hard to tell your story or get people to understand.

I feel as your so young no one understand you and that's why you do what you do but you have said some positives despite all the other stuff. You mentioned school and being good in your classes. That's a positive. Another thing is that you got a girlfriend who is very supportive again another positive.

All these little things count. We may not take notice of them but in the end we do.

Please remember to keep talking to us and share your thoughts as we really do appreciate others in put on here.

Look forward to hearing from you soon.