Hello I am in my 50's but new here

[beachwoman]

I have days when I really feel like I am getting better. I feel like the medications might actually be the right ones, I get outside and mingle with people, I accomplish things away from home.
Then I get worn out and need to be quiet. I live alone, well except for my man-Jackson the cat. When I am home alone it is hard for me to get focused. I seem to turn to the computer and not do things that either I should be doing or things that I enjoy. I seem to get sad, unable to concentrate, and move from one thing to another.
I am on long term disability and this is the first time I haven't worked in my life, well since the age of 12. Until 5 years ago, I never lived alone. I went from living with my very dysfunctional and alcoholic mother- now deceased, to a marriage when I was way too young. I left him after I stopped self medicating and became sober 6 years ago.
I guess I have always been goal oriented (yet nothing I ever did was good enough in my mind) and now I have no goals except to get better. That is a huge goal and I have professional help and some face to face friends that do understand depression. Yet I can't seem to get it together to do the tasks that I really need to attend to so I could enjoy my hobbies. I have never asked for help with this because I don't know what to ask. I KNOW what I should do- but I can't seem to keep on task or at times to take that first step to tackle something- forms, a room, even the dishes.
I realize that this is a bit jumbled, and also that perhaps no one can relate to what I am saying. I did think I would give it a try.
Perhaps if you relate to this we could even email privately? At any rate, thank you for reading.

beachwoman aka Jane

[YBsirius]

Hi Beachwoman,

I can relate, at least to the being in my 50's part. Truthfully, I can relate to most of what you said. I used to be on med's for depression and anxiety, but not for over 10 years now. I have my good periods of time still where I get things done, meet people, even make new friends. I used to live alone, till Sandy Claws forced me to adopt her. I worked since I can remember cuase my younger years were spent on a farms and ranches in Texas and worked my way through college so I think I've always worked but I retired several years ago because I'm just to mentally ill to work anymore. I have no goals anymore except to live a simple, peaceful, tranquil life here in my adopted country.

So, I guess we're not alone in this crazy world huh? Isn't it great to find a place where people can relate?

Nice to see you here. Take care.

[beachwoman]

Thanks YB. I appreciate your reply so very much. I hope to figure it out soon. j

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((((( beachwoman )))))))))))))))))))))))

Just a simple hug to say I care and understand.

I too spend too much time with the computer, need to make many changes in my life and the computer is one of them.

Please to have the honor of chatting with you in the depression chat room. Good people in there. Nice to see you posting here as well.

Take care and know there are others that feel the same, why we become a family.

Jeanie/Warmie

[beachwoman]

Thanks Jeannie- hugs back to you. I will see you soon I hope in chat.
beachwoman

[JudeB]

I can sure relate.
So glad that you are here.

(usually more long-winded but my disability mental exam is today. I am a wreck, nuff said.)

very glad to meet you!

[Gypsy]

Hi Beachwoman,

I relate to a lot of what you are saying, I'm 41 and on long term disability, I had worked my whole life as well. Not working has been very difficult, even though I have an income, I still feel I am not contributing enough to my family. My kids are teenagers and off doing their thing, my husband works hard and then comes home and takes care of me. I feel so useless, on good days I will start a task, get half way through , I surprise my family and it always feels good to get some things done, but the rest will sit for weeks, sometimes months.

My days are all jumbled, I don't have any routine, spend way too much time on the computer and I sleep way too much. Sleeping if my favorite thing to do.

If you find a way to get out of a rut (I doubt the last 5 years of living my life like this is a rut, but best word I could think off)please let me know, I am all for ideas, I just don't know where to look anymore.

Please take care of yourself, you are not alone and to be honest, when I read your post, It was like reading parts of my life.. I wish we didn't have to feel the way that we do, but it is nice knowing I am not alone. ((((HUGS))))