Hello everyone.

[MikeP1991]

My name is Michael, I'm 25 years old and I'm not someone who is typically depressed. My whole life pretty much I've been " normal " I suppose.

A woman I loved very much killed herself back in november. She'd been one of the best and closest friends I'd ever had. Knew her for about 7 years, dated her for the last year of her life. Wanted to marry her. She was a beautiful, genuine woman who had a hard unfair life. Her own mother wanted nothing to do with her and she didn't meet her father until she was 17 years old. I was there for her through most of the roughest times in her life, but we started having a few problems and grew apart some during the final 2 or 3 months of her life. I feel like she left me so she could create some distance between us before she did what she did. Some kind of attempt to make it hurt me less.

Her mother told me, at her funeral, that the last thing she said to her was that she would always love me. I blame myself for her death and feel like I could have done something about it.

I've been doing a lot to try and get myself out of this hole. I'm in great physical shape, I workout every day. My diet is super healthy and Im doing everything I can to love and improve myself. Nothing I can do or have control over is really helping me though. I've never experienced this anguish before. Even worse is I don't really have a support system at home. It's not something I can really openly communicate about with the people in my life.

Just figured I'd see what I could find out here on the internet, maybe a forum could do me some good.

So I'm Mike, and I just want to maybe make some friends here.

[specter]

*hugs MikeP1991*

Hope you can feel better here. My condolences.

[Sorgblida]

Hey Michael.
My condolences.

I'm new here too. I'm very familiar with this feeling of being stuck in a dark hole and feeling like you are unable to crawl out of it. Been feeling like that for a long time now. I'm always searching trying to find ways to stop feeling so empty.
I think talking to people who know what it feels like will really help. At least I hope it does.
My name is Thyri btw

[defeated]

Hello Michael,

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're going through so much right now.

*hugs* sent your way.