Depression Understood Forums

Hello, my name is Jake. I am suffering from a great deal of depression and anxiety. I have been doing well for a long time. But over the past few months I have been slowly falling back into depression. I recently, within the last 2 years, got married. The relationship with my wife has been constantly anxiety inducing as she isn't very supportive. She can, and has been, quite unkind to me. It has given me serious issues. I have tried so hard to do my best but it seems like I'll never be good enough. To her, it is simply weakness. But, the struggles I've faced in my life cannot be ignored. To her they aren't that spectacular. I understand that if you've never been there then you'd have a hard time understanding. The stated disappointment I received is so hard to deal with, even though it's "in the past". It's not just statements made in the past. It's how she feels about me. Those are important. Any good thing I've got so far I've fought for.(compliments and all that)

A part of me feels like she's right. That I'm weak. I know that isn't true in my heart of hearts. I know I've fought the good fight my whole life. I'm tired of doing that tho.

Your loved one seems very invalidating. It's important to have validation in our lives. If we can't get it from our loved ones, then who can we get it from, (aside from knowing our truth, ourselves)?

You are allowed to feel how you feel, no matter what anyone else says. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, but no one is entitled to invalidate another. That's what they do, of course, usually for a variety of reasons, but mostly because they either don't know how to handle someone else's emotions, or because they are apathetic or insensitive. They'd rather focus on what they are thinking and feeling and not pay any attention to the thoughts and feelings of others. Not healthy.

Sometimes I like to think that there's a way we can sort of pry open the hearts of people who don't see our pain. I don't know if it works to do this, but to sort of spill your heart out to this person, and then tell them that these are your feelings, that your feelings are just as important as anyone else's, and that you really, really need her to accept them and, at the same time, be there to support you? Never sure if this really helps to open up someone's heart, if it's closed up -- to have a total outpouring of emotions to them. I do this in a clear, honest, and stable way, of course. If I flip out and blubber, they turn it into "a scene" and then you don't "get heard". Not helpful. ... It's something I've attempted, but again, I have no clue if it really works. Only speaking for myself. *shrugs*

Welcome to the forums. Glad you are here.