Hey, it's an introduction!

[Elephantasis]

So I have no idea what to say so I may babble!
I'm a 26 year old woman. I do not work. I have 2 daughters. A hard working, loving, boyfriend. We live at my mom's in a small beautiful suburb.
I suffer severe depression and anxiety. I see a therapist weekly. And i try to help myself with essential oils or coloring. Nothing is helping. I've been taking a medication now about 2 months and in some aspects it helps but not in my mind. I struggle everyday. This is really hard. Unbearable. I struggle but I do what I need to daily for my girls. I have a mask in front of them. I feel so crazy. But I'm still not a good mother. I don't even enjoy playing with them. How awful is that? Ughhh

[specter]

Hi Elephantasis. : )

Sounds really hard, what you're going through. I hope the people in your life are supportive. Doesn't make the problems go away though. Life is super hard when you cannot enjoy any of it.

Welcome to the forums. *waves*

[Elephantasis]

Thanks specter, the people are not very supportive actually. Maybe that would make it easier. My mom's bipolar so there is no help or understanding there. More so narcissistic and cruel. And things with my boyfriend are becoming better. We will see.

[Polo1211]

Hey I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles, I know how it feels to wear a mask to the world but that must be extremely tough to do it with your children. Try and remember that it is your illness and not you that makes you feel this way, I know its hard sometimes though. I hope that you can find something that helps or get the help that you need, in the mean time try and keep your chin up and keep going. Feel free to talk about anything on hear and we will listen

[specter]

I know what you mean about the narcissism. Got one in my family too. ... Also, possibly a sociopath. Almost certain another one is a sociopath.

Hope you can find better people to be around. Goodness knows I sure do.

[Elephantasis]

Polo - it is definitely really really difficult to wear a mask in front of my kids. It's even harder when the people who "care" don't see the mask and think everything is okay.
Specter - narcissistic people are hidden evils. Seriously. I can't wait to leave this place so I can cut her off completely. And i know a sociopath. My first daughters father. Ughh he's annoying.

[specter]

My plans for myself as well. It needs to be done, no matter how hard it is, and no matter how manipulative they will be. Gotta do it.

Wish you a better future ahead.

[drakeheart]

Its a total nightmare living with people who are unwilling to try to understand, also when they pretend to care or understand but then later they turn and tell you just to get on with it. They never really have a damn. I'm in a similar living situation to you and I'm the same with my kids, its almost like I can't bare being around them playing which sounds terrible because I normally love playing with them but its just the illness taking hold. Personally I have 3 adults that I live with that don't understand and I'm basically forced into going to work despite feeling like there's no point in living and like the world would be better without me. I just hold on tho what my father used to tell me and that is 'no matter how bad things are, don't do anything stupid because someday with enough time, things get better, even if its just a bit.' I know it doesn't really help much but as my dad said it I hold that advice dear to me and feel I would be letting him down if I have in and gave up on everything. Stay strong and your not alone. If you ever need so one to talk to or to say anything at all this is a great place and there's always someone here to listen.

[Polo1211]

Yeah I know how that feels, it's like your hurting so much you don't understand how people can't see it. And I always find that once I take off the mask when I'm on my own I am absolutely exhausted. I hope that the people around you can start to be more understanding and supportive