Scared & losing my will...

[BabyBleu]

I'm just going to write this completely normal...
I really don't know what to do anymore.. I'm on disability and have been for many years... When I lived in TX I couldn't find a doctor who would even give me my inhaler and the phyc doctor that I had to wait for for over 6 months to just be told that I was lying about what meds I'd been on even though the same office had prescribed me these meds... I moved to CO and I was stuck without any ride to doctor appointments...
SSI is saying that they're going to take away my disability income and insurance cuz I haven't been going to the doctor's. I won't have anyway to support myself or get the meds I need to survive.. I'm already struggling to keep going and it just seems like everything is against me.. Everything I try to do to fix or help my situation it just backfires.. I don't know how much more I can take... I'm at the end of my rope and death just seems easier and better than the hell I've been living in most of my life... For the first time in my life I am truly alone.. I don't have any real friends and the family that matters are far away... The family that lives close to me are worse than any enemy I've ever known or heard of... I don't know what to do.. I want to be here for my kids and grandkids but it seems like everything is going against me.. I just want to be able to get to the doctor and get my meds but also keep my disability so I can be there for my kids and grandkids... Can anyone please help me...!?!?!

[specter]

... I was once told that if you didn't visit a doctor regularly with the insurance SSI gives you that they can take it away. I find it odd that they would choose to do that because, obviously, you have attempted to see a doctor who isn't choosing to be agreeable with you. You, from what I read, put forth the effort to see one, so unless they are unaware that you are trying to get the help that you need, I don't think they have a right to do that to you.

Unfortunately, they would probably expect you to try to drag this thru court, in order to keep your SSI. Sorry to say, but they can do that to people over the decisions that they make. They tried this same move with me -- threatening to take away my insurance -- but all I did was see a new doctor, so that's why I got to keep it. Not a pleasant experience, but an necessary one, and for some people, that's not even possible. I now have an NP (nurse practitioner) for a doctor, and it's completely legal, so I see this one particular person at a mental health center, where I also go to see my therapist. All of this is up in Ohio, in the Columbus area. I travel to go there because I get government transportation in that area. ... I'm grateful for it ... but I have always harbored resentment and mistrust and even a lot of anger towards doctors and psychiatrists. I refuse to see the latter. Tried that and it went horribly. I stick to my NP and my therapist. No arguments (not from you, but from others).

I hate the idea of me trying to give anyone advice. I'm not much of a person. Bear in mind, I'm mostly a hermit, so anything I tell you about my situation in life are circumstantial and, in a lot of ways, I feel like I have lucked-out to have moved back to Ohio -- used to live in at least two different states, and those experiences were horrific -- in order to get the help that I now receive. ... Not sure if you are interested in the Buckeye State or not ... but at least I know that I get precisely what I need in lieu of mental and physical health here. ... And I have spoken to another person who has mentioned all of the perks of living in Canada, which is free health care, plus, based on the area in which he lives, good therapists ... so idk if you think that's something you'd want to consider or not?

I'm not Canadian. I've never been to Canada. My home state is originally Ohio, so that's all I know. This isn't really a matter of advice, again, but I can say that this worked for me. My two cents, only.

And I'm reeeally sorry Social Security is doing that to you. There are a lot of horror stories about them doing that to people, so you're not alone. Once knew a dude who had neck surgery and severe nerve damage because of it. He needed SSI very badly and it took him about 5+ years, fighting the system to get it. I got it because I have had mental illness since I was a child, didn't finish schooling, and I can't work. I got it rather young, and I lucked-out. Had it for some years now.

Your situation looks completely overwhelming. I'm sorry if nothing I say is helpful. I don't know what to do. All I can do is lend an ear.

[JonsDragonEyes]

I don't know how much more I can take... I'm at the end of my rope and death just seems easier and better than the hell I've been living in most of my life... !?!?!

Hey there BabyBleu. It's nice to meet you my name is Star. It's horrible to feel so helpless but please , please don't give up now. All of us that come to the site have been suffering for so long with anxiety , depression etc. for us to give up now after all the hell that we have been through would be cruel. We deserve so much better than death being the easy way or the ONLY way to fix our problems.

I know how lonely you feel. I hope that this is some kind of comfort even if it's just in a small sense but you aren't entirely alone. You have this place and the support that people have to offer you here.


love and hugs to you always

[BabyBleu]

It made me cry reading the messages that you 2 sent... My mom was a hermit when I was little and one of my twin boys has it pretty bad... Funny thing is that I have a friend who lives in Ohio.... CO isn't that bad it's this town... I don't understand how they won't supply transportation services to and from doctor appointments... I'm trying to be strong.... It's just been getting so hard... And Star it tripped me out when I read that name cuz that's also my sister's name.... With all the bs that the world throw's at me is bad enough but people and family keep stealing what little we have... IDK how they keep getting my credit card number and so on... Sometimes I just think about not wanting to feel sad and pathetic... The regular doctor I have been seeing shouldn't be a doctor But I am going to try to take it slow... All I do know is there should be some kind of servises for disabled people to get to and from their medical appointments... In pueblo and Colorado springs they have those services and they have the public bus to boot..
It's just this town... Not only did someone take close to $160 I just found out that when my son was here alone they broke into my place... This is what's making it so much harder to deal with....