I can't take anymore!!!!

[Sosad74]

Thank u for replying.i've been this way for about 6 months now, severely depressed and unable to get out of bed.
I've always struggled with depression but this time is different. First because its at an all time high and there's a reason behind it.
I'll try to explain what got me to this state.
About a year ago the man I was with on and off for 13 years proposed and we started making plans to start a family as soon as he moved back to the US because at that time we were in a long distance relationship. After being together on and off for 12 years, we broke up and he moved out of the country.we ended up getting in touch with each other, communicating with each other long distance for about 2 years and at that time decided to have a future together. I was ecstatic since he was the love of my life and I'm 40 years old now, probably my last chance at having a baby.
As we were making plans and getting ready for him to move here, I made a horrible desicion to get a cosmetic procedure done on my body. It was a radio frequency device that was just supposed to improve the quality of the skin, instead in went horribly wrong and ended up destroying the fat cells in the areas where the device was used, completely altering the shape of my body, not in a good way.
I went from being attractive, desirable to looking and feeling deformed and so unattractive. That in itself is devastating but as a result of that I ended up having to end my relationship and all of our future plans because I could not stand the idea of him seeing me like this and being turned off.
As a result of that cosmetic procedure, I lost everything!!!!!!!
Loosing him and my chance of having a family is so painful. He was not only my boyfriend but my best friend, actually my only friend andmy confidant.
During the years that we were together I isolated myself from other people, also because of depression at times so he was my only friend. I didn't really have a social life. He was everything to me.
It's now been over a month that I ended all contact with him and I feel so alone and the emotional pain is unbearable. Like I said I haven't left my apt in about 6 months, that's when the transformation in my physical appearance happened. I'm at the end of my rope, I really don't feel like life is worth living, I don't want to live with this emotional pain and I don't have the energy or motivation to go see a doctor, besides I really doubt that a doctor would be able to help me get rid of this pain.
The only time I leave my apt is to take my dog for a walk, I force myself to. I feel so bad for him because He's such a good dog, so loyal, i love him so much but he looks depressed as well, I guess he feels my pain, seeing me laying in bed all day and he doesn't deserve that but I can't help it.
I'm praying for a miracle, for something to change because I really can't take the pain anymore. I appreciate advice and just someone to talk to since I am completely alone. I don't know if anyone understands how I feel.

[JonsDragonEyes]

With love you never have to look a certain way. Not with real love anyway. Real love and beauty comes from inside your heart. Sometimes the most beautiful people in the world are the way they are because of what lays inside of them.

Please try to talk to this guy again if you possibly can, Show him your heart. All you need to be is warm , loving and caring. Someone he can trust , someone he can listen to and lean on when things in life are hard.

Be a lover and a best friend.

Someone he can tell his biggest dreams and deepest secrets to. Someone he will always feel safe with. Someone that would fight to keep him in his life forever because you love him so dearly....

That in itself would make you one of the most beautiful people in the world.

In time all beauty on the outside does fade in a sense , but beauty inside lives on forever and ever ....

love and hugs