isolated feeling very alone

[Michelleangel77]

My name is Michelle....but you can call me Chica...my friends used to call me that. I am 37. I will be 38 on the 26th of March. I have been depressed for about a year now. I haven't worked in about the same amount of time due to a medical disability that hit me out of the blue. I have been married to my best friend for nearly twenty years. I recently buried my father whom I hadn't seen or spoken to in fifteen years....on top of everything else. I am a mother of four children...the are adults one a junior in high school...I'm alone a lot friends have slowly faded away since I don't go out and hang out the way I used to. I'm not a drinker or smoker. I have horrible panic attacks and anxiety when I go out at times, so socializing had become very hard for me. I spend my days indoors mostly. I'm an artist and a poet, but lately that has suffered megastar I just can't muster up the energy to even create anything. Today I have been feeling more along than ever and when someone asks...are you ok....I reply...yes I'm ok because I'm afraid to say what's the truth is because I feel like I'm gonna fall apart like a pile of leaves. I'm so afraid to break. Nobody understands what this feels like and I don't know where else to turn

[vicky59]

Dear Chica - I know exactly where u are. I've been there. Right now, I am there again. You need to have at least one person you can show your true self to. Even if you have to pay for that luxury via therapy - if you can. Perhaps coming here can help, but something more could be better.
Are you getting professional help? Can you?
Try to find joy in one thing each day. Try to find peace in one thing each day. Try to do something nice - however small - for yourself each day.
It does get better; it will get better for you. You just can't ever give up.
I care.

[lost_echo]

Sometimes i feel alone in a crowd because i spend most of my time indoors. I smile everyday around others and they tell me that i have a warm air around me but they cannot see what i have been through. They crowd around me and want to be my friend and laugh i smile without a word. Once i am away from people and sitting in my room its like i realize the me at school was just a mask and i cry without a sound i hate smiling. I feel like i'm living a lie. At home i get called lazy by my family because i sit in my room all day everyday staring at the floor without movement and without a word. My family doesn't see when i cry but they have the nerve to call me lazy without understanding what the world looks like through my eyes. Why does it hurt so much to smile and why is it so important to smile for others even when i feel like I'm already dying? I hate to disappoint people so i try not to hold any feelings. What do i do?

[emily67]

hello and welcome

[indianaboy1982]

If you all would be interested i am running a support group through facebook with educational videos and uplifting words quotes you can go to it at https://www.facebook.com/depressionsupportgroup

Just like the page and i will do my best to keep it updated bless you all!