need support and friends

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inthewind
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2015 8:30 pm

need support and friends

Postby inthewind » Sat Jan 03, 2015 8:51 pm

Hi all,

Very tired tonight and won't be writing much, but wanted to make a move out of my self isolation of many years. Recent trauma and abuse has intensified this. I'm so tired and I think the New Year is a double edged sword; it's making me frightened to know another 'nothing' year is ahead of me with the same pain and anxiety, yet it's moving me forward to do SOMETHING, anything, to make it stop.

I've isolated myself to the degree that I have no friends to talk to; I go to a stressful job and perform it well daily, and that's about it. Really hoping to get support and make friends here in 2015.

jvincent
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2014 5:17 am

Postby jvincent » Sun Jan 04, 2015 1:03 pm

I feel for you. The comfortable rut of isolation is a hard habit to break. I am in the same boat. It it has been a struggle just to force myself out of the house. When I do get out I feel like the looser guy at the end of the bar with no friends.
People have been suggested things like meetup .com, dance classes and things like that. I work late so I am rarely available when most people are running around doing stuff. But That may be someting good for you.

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Self-Empowerment

Postby 100footpole » Sun Jan 04, 2015 2:25 pm

My theme for the year is empowerment through miniaturization :) .

I've found that things never seem to work out ... so I am trying to make my plans smaller and smaller, and more self-centered. On here we often hear that you need to like yourself before others can like you. That opens a huge gulf of circumstantial excuses when you're lonely ... because nothing works to bridge the loneliness.

Instead of trying to make things better, now I give myself permission to do things, but with limits. For instance, I try to limit myself to an hour a day on this web site. In addition, I make sure I go to the forums before spending my time in chat. Chat makes me feel better, but I think I learn more in the forums.

I use the energy from the little things, to make other changes. Since I've been on here I have found new books and movies that people seem to enjoy talking to me about. The hard part for me is not to assume "Great, now I'm better again." Instead I try to keep in mind that any feeling of control I have is an illusion. Instead, I do the things that I want to do that help other people.

So, for instance, I am writing this instead of doing any of the other 20 things on my list today, because before I was doing this my list was out of control and I did nothing.

On review of this post ... it doesn't seem to make sense ... so let me say it differently. Do one thing that you Want to do, that you Can do, and then pat yourself on the back, write about it here ... Doing that one thing is an act of creation that would not have occurred without you. If no one notices the first thing you do that's fine. Ask why they didn't notice, when obviously it was important enough that you did it. Do it again so they notice.

I think this idea came from David Sedaris ... who lives in England and goes around cleaning up litter in the county he lives in. He does it because it makes him feel good. Then he wrote about it ... and now I'm doing the same thing. First do what you want, and then look for ways to use that thing to connect to other people.

SkaterDrew
Posts: 37
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 9:55 pm

Postby SkaterDrew » Wed Jan 07, 2015 10:34 pm

i can relate on you in some way. i do have some friends, and i can say that they care for me a lot, the only problem is, when depression is kicking, most of them avoiding me like i carry some deadly disease. when i tried to explain, they think i am just messing around or just reasoning out. it s*
cks,

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Postby 100footpole » Fri Jan 09, 2015 12:49 pm

Read a book set around group therapy.

Book was plotted around story and action. First third of the book was peoples stories. Second half of the book the group talks about actions vs. stories. Interesting dialog was that the story tellers would say "That won't work because ..." . Third part of the book was problems being overcome ... and not for the reasons that were stated in the second part of the book.

Not sure if this is a story or a perspective for action SkaterD.

I know it helps me when people talk about the little things that make them happy on here.

I like to think in images, and depression always feels like I'm in raging water with no control. One of the things that I tell myself is that I've done waters like these before. When I reach shore, or quieter waters, I always make sure to tell myself "Told you so."

In that sense ... your friends are right ... You are reasoning it out ... but sometimes it would be nice to have something to grab onto wouldn't it.

CrazyKiss
Posts: 45
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 2:30 pm
Location: South West

Postby CrazyKiss » Fri Jan 09, 2015 4:32 pm

Hi Inthewind, it's CrazyKiss here. I just like to say that u are very brave in speaking out about the abuse u suffered those years ago and what impact it's had on u. I think u should feel really pleased that u spoke out on here.

Also I do think u will make friends on here as there's alot of people who really care and have gone through what u have. Though there maybe people what understand but are there to listen. I've not gone through any sort of abusive myself if I had to be honest but the way ur feeling about urself is something I totally get.

I'm sure 2015 will be a better year for u as u are moving forward for the better by getting help and support and u also found this site which is also good to share ur story with others. There is always someone to talk to on here and I'm here if u need a friend two.

I'm sorry ur job is stressful at the moment but I'm glad u pointed out that no matter what how stressful it is ur always putting 100% into ur work as not many people can and u deffo deserve an award for ur hard work and commitment. I hope ur manager sees that. I do think work at the moment for u in terms of coping and focusing ur mind on something is working for u as u show no signs of distress or despair.

I hope u carry on with moving forward and I hope for the best.

Take Care x

Melibellz13117
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 2:47 am

Hello

Postby Melibellz13117 » Tue Jan 13, 2015 3:54 am

I am glad that you have reached out for friends and support. I just recently joined this site as well and I am trying to find myself some support and possibly some new friendships. I do not actually live alone but with the things I suffer through, I feel very much alone every single day. I can understand the isolation. I hope you find many friends and I can imagine you will get a lot of support.
My name is Melissa. You can message me any time you like. We can help each other. :)


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