Depression Understood Forums

Right, so I am having a bit of a panic even writing this, but I just need to get a few things off my chest. It has recently occurred to me that if it wasn't for my two daughters, I would have pulled pin a long time ago. I'm just so exhausted from trying to keep the wolves at bay. They are the only thing that keep me hanging on. The meds don't seem to be working anymore, and I am just so sick of myself. My husband and my family always say that they are there for me, to listen whenever I need, but I'm so sick of it all myself that I can't imagine how sick they are of hearing the same old things over and over again. And I don't want them taking any part of my burden or feeling like they need to 'fix' me. And honestly, I don't want any of them to know how bad it is right now. I can't take their pity.

Sorry, I just needed a place where I could let it all out without imposing myself on my loved ones yet again. It's been weighing me down something terrible the last few days, and I needed someplace safe to sound off. I found this forum, and I hope it can be that place for me.

Anyway. Hi.

Hi keer,
Welcome to this forum, and it's good to hear from you. I basically stumbled upon this site, myself.

I'm sorry your meds aren't working anymore. Have you brought this up yet to your doctor? If depression meds have worked for you in the past, there's a good chance that a dose change or a new medication would work.
As for myself, I haven't been on any for a while- with exception to my anxiety medication.

When I read what you wrote about "keeping the wolves at bay," I couldn't help but to chuckle out loud! Either you're ticked off, have a sense of humour, or BOTH. Anyways, you provided some vivid imagery. (wolves being my favored furry beast) lol.

I apologize if I come across as "insensitive" to your pain. Truly, I'm not...

You remind me of my dear mom. She has a lot of issues of her own, and although she will reveal some of her feelings, she doesn't want to be a "burden" or a "pain." I'm always reminding her that she could never be a "burden" when she is loved so much! What would be a burden to me would be for her to NOT share those feelings- I'd be constantly worried about her holding it all in, and I'd be hurt that she'd ever feel like she were a burden to me.

I shared this with you to help you to see more clearly that you're probably not the burden to your family that you think you are.
You'd mentioned how they offer to listen...This is not the reaction of a loved one who's been burdened by you! It could be the depression that's blurring your perspective on this.

In my humble opinion, your family WANTS to listen to what bothers you because they love you deeply- just as you'd gratefully listen to them.

Hugs...

Hehe - I do have a good sense of humour, and I am angry. But what I mean about keeping the wolves at bay is the feeling of having them clawing at my chest, trying to get out.

I know I need to change up my meds, I just really hate going to my shrink. And I also resent having to be on meds, and to have them no longer work. I just want to be well, and I'm not, and I haven't been for a while.

Anyway, thanks for your thoughts - nice to meet you!

Hi there,
It's nice to meet you to!

Going to the shrink is a pain in the a*=, I know. ( if only for the reason of hating doctor's appts.)!
These dreaded appts have a way of rearranging and disrupting an otherwise crappy day- hehe.

Wolves...As long as you're not howling at the moon, you are halfway okay. So, yes it's nice- and safe to meet you.
On a serious note, are wolves a metaphorical reference to panic attacks? I'm just curious because I get them myself. They're terrible, and make me feel I'll explode!
Thus, like a wolf on steroids, so goes my pant.

It's great that you have a sense of humor! This is one blessing that has sustained my sanity in this crazy world.

Just so you know, I've read your other post, and will respond as soon as I'm able!
I'm really glad you found this site.
You sound honest, straight-forward, and like a "character." (meant in a good way)- so, keep them wolves right where they are. Hehe.

I'm a yr. older than you, and a "Navy brat." Well, my dad is now retired. Am I still a Navy brat?? I don't know...Excuse my ramblings...