Desperate

[Xel22]

I have tried reaching out to family, friends, professional help (backed out due to anxiety) about all of the issues I have been having as of late. I am hoping this will help me.

I am jobless, loveless and becoming hopeless, all while I am supposed to remain "strong" for my family while someone in my immediate family is going through cancer. My main source of support and love is no longer present. I knew I shouldn't have become so close because of the circumstances. I am afraid to reveal all of the details to you but this is a start.

I have been crying basically every day/night over him and it scares me to think that its affecting me more than my sick family member. I feel alone and cannot stop living in the past. Life has been very difficult up to an entire year now and I keep thinking that I am finally breaking. Everything I think I hit rock bottom mentally, it continues to become deeper. I am constantly fighting with myself in my mind over everything that has been happening over the past year. I want to trick myself into not caring and into just pretending to be happy but the more I do it, but more i get deeper into a miserable state.

[sapphire]

Hi, I am new here as well. I think expressing yourself here is a good start, I'm hoping it will help me too. Maybe try going to a therapist, as that way you can feel safe about opening up more in detail. Going to therapy was one of the things I can say was of real help to me. I did dump my first therapist, after going to her awhile, because she annoyed me (we weren't a good fit), but my next one seemed to really get me. In between sessions, at least being able to voice your concerns in an nonthreatening manner may be helpful too.

I often feel like I should be able to hold it in, tough it out, but sometimes that's just not an option. Sometimes I have to go to a quiet space and just cry it out. That's the nature of depression. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but just know that you're not alone, and what you are dealing with is real. Hope this site is helpful to you and you gain some peace in your life.