Hi

[debanedaemone]

I'm new here, been dealing with depression off and on for nearly 20 years that I can recall. Not really good at doing these, but yeah... hi

[4EverMe]

Hi there,
And, a warm welcome!
Is there anything going on that you feel like talking about? Is it just the depression in general?

I'm curious because I was wondering if there's a way I (or someone else) might be able to help...

[debanedaemone]

It's been a rough two weeks. My gf left me after us being together for nearly three years. That whole situation alone has pushed me pretty far.

[4EverMe]

I'm sorry.
Truly, I know your pain. (have been there more than once)...

The loss of a close bond can feel devastating, and with it's departure, it's as though a large piece of ourselves has gone away with it.
It's hard to believe that we'll ever feel that same joy and security. And, it's difficult to conceive of finding love again.
However, you'll surprise yourself. One day, you'll find yourself in love again.

It may take some time to heal. Until then, know that there is hope. Remember that when it feels like it's the 'end of your world,' that new beginnings are ahead of you. Yes, I know that heartache can cloud any future hope of happiness. But, you'll see. Time does heal. You will be okay.

[debanedaemone]

yeah it does get tough. Sadly over the past week or so, I found out more information of what has been going on behind the scenes without my knowledge.

Most of it involved her doing nothing but telling lies to me, i.e. telling everyone she works with that we quit dating months ago, but never telling me she didn't want to be with me, and a few other things that have truly made me feel that all I was during that time was a warm body in bed for her to have sex with.

It sucks, it truly does. I took the job offer my boss gave me. That's been a big help, because I know that if I had still been in that same city, I would not have been able to get past it.

I'm accustomed to people using me, it just hurt more at the time to realize that she couldn't even confront me with her problems as if I was going to hurt her (another lie she was telling people). I sacrificed so much to make sure she could have things, and at the end of the day, for her it was just a game.

So now, I'm out in three states away, don't know anyone, another strange city for six months, having to try to put the pieces of my life back together before I go back to that city.

I know that I will eventually manage to get all of this behind me. SHe's made her choice to abandon all of her old friends for new ones, not realizing that it's only a matter of time before these people wind up using her and dumping her on the curb.

What she doesn't realize is that all of the people she abandoned, have turned her backs on her. I'm still up in the air if I should stick around to try to offer a hand, while all the while knowing it's going to end badly for me as she's just going to drag me down with her, or if I should just do the same as them, turn my back and continue on, letting her sleep in the bed she made.

SHe doesn't even know that I found out what was going on, mainly because her new "friends" run their mouths and talk to other people, who in turn speak with me thinking I want to know what she's done. I really don't care anymore. I just want to get over all of this, try to find someone else, and maybe be able to start anew.

[4EverMe]

Hey there,
In my opinion, it would be best for you to just move on and leave all of this behind you.
You're dealing with enough stress beginning a new job in a new city. Look at this as a chance for new beginnings.

By the way, I cannot stand gossipers! It's surprising when we learn that those closest to us, in whom we place our faith and trust in, are running their mouths. The worst part is how a statement/story changes from one person to the next. And then, who knows what's being said?!
Best wishes to you.
Please keep us updated.

[debanedaemone]

That's actually what i'm working on doing. New life, new city, new start. I honestly don't know if i will be going back to that place after six months passes, i just know i have six months in a hotel room until that time. All i can do is do my job and not let my bosses down.

It is nicer here, granted I'll probably spend most of the next six months holed up in the room drinking and playing video games (not super social due to most people being idiots), but who knows, if i find someone out here I can connect with, I might stay, if not, then i'll probably go back and just reconnect with a few friends who have been there for me throughout all of this.

Or maybe i'll just quit being lazy and attempt to get back into writing again, with me, I never know.

[4EverMe]

I love to write also- mostly poetry.

[debanedaemone]

that's generally what tends to come out when i start writing. I haven't done much over the years, most of it is on deviantart though. Most of the times I try to write, nothing really comes out, just a blank page or the beginnings of a story or two that never seem to get completed.

[4EverMe]

Ha ha. Same here! I complete the first few sentences, and the poem, like many others in my notebook, remains unfinished. Ugh...writer's block!
Must be that I've way to much on my mind. Hopefully, when things calm down a bit, I'll be able to finish what I started. It's pretty frustrating...
Poetry is a long loved hobby of mine. When anxious and/or depressed, it's good to get involved in things that take our minds off of our worries. However, when stress stands in the way, we're caught between a rock and a hard place.
So, rather than writing, I'm reading another great novel by Dean Koontz.