new here and feeling a bit silly..

[leah123]

Hi, i'm not too sure where to start and I don't really know what I'm expecting to get from being a member here. but i guess here i can vent my feelings and not feel too judged. I have had depression for a number of years, at times i was close to taking my own life. for about 10 months i thought i was free from it and i really did understand what happiness was - but here i am again, it seems good things never last. I was a popular girl at school/college but now i would say i have about 2 friends. i have a wonderful boyfriend but i think i am pushing him away. he doesn't understand depression and i don't know how to talk to him about it. i am so lonely and have nobody to turn to, it's so hard to get up in the morning and face another day with my brain and my thoughts. i am scared of losing the only few people in my life that i really truly care and love due to this horrible illness. but i don't know how im going to fix myself. my boyfriend and i were the perfect couple but i have been so unhappy lately it seems to have rubbed off on him, i need him the most right now but just think he probably wants for so much better - who would stay with a sad depressing loner with no friends and no enthusiasm for life, eh? i think i just need someone to talk to. i feel like a utter idiot and im sure none of you care about my ramblings, but i suppose i just needed to get it off my chest a little. thanks for reading x

[JonsDragonEyes]

Hi there Leah123. It's really nice to meet you.

Please don't feel like your an idiot and people here do care !! Depression is one of the hardest things in life to have to go through. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if the people we loved at least TRIED to understand more.

Truth is I wish I had all the answers your looking for. But I don't I'm struggling just as much as you are. But one thing I hope helps is your most definitely NOT all alone in this horrible battle.

If you need to vent come here and DO it. It's a great place to get things off your chest. I'm glad you didn't take your own life. That's never answer. Never !!

I don't know what the answer is myself but I do know as long as your alive you always have a chance. One day we may wake up and find all the answers we are looking for. You just can't ever give up. I hope your keep coming here whenever you need to. ( hugs )