my own worst enemy

[amanda-r]

Hi everyone im new to the forum and talking about things i guess it might be easier to talk to strangers im not new to depression im sure ive been born with it i cant seem to shake it i try to remember what makes me happy and i have no idea my moods change like the wind one minute ive got a grip the next im so aggetated but try to block it i feel like my heads a cage with blank walls that i try to imagine happy scenarios in which make me content until i realise theyre not realand i go back to reality and thinking too much not knowing if im being paranoid or if its normal its exhausting i could wake up one day feeling ok then the next minute wanting to shut away and breakdown im not using medication my doctor diagnosed me again with the big d but i dont want to stop work and isolate myself further i cant talk to my friends i feel they all have a goal and know what they want in life and im far from it im scared to have children partly because.i dont want them ending up like me and im scared of relationships because ive been hurt too many times i dont even know if i can trust my family i feel so alone i used to be heart on sleeve trust everyone until they do you wrong but now im the complete opposite and distance my feelings from people help

[intheprocess]

Sorry for all you are going through. My concern is that, if I understand correctly, that you are not taking meds. I am on a lot of them and they are such a BIG help.