Making the First Step

[bhaines]

Hi, there i am B. and i am trying to take control of my depression. Let me tell you a little about myself. When i was younger i was a happy go lucky kid, always outspoken and eager to do many activities. I was always well guided and didn't care what anybody thought. When i started to thats when everything started going downhill

Skip to my high school years, where its always a challenge to rise above everybody else and be yourself. I went to an all male catholic high school away from my friends so when i was at that school, i wasnt getting involved and was shying away from everything i liked doing. I always loved theater and performing, but when i got to high school i saw it as the "uncool" thing to do and strayed away from it. For some reason i was always trying to impress the popular people and was not accepting the friends that i had made just by being myself. In turn i started heavily procrastinating and also using recreational drugs (weed, nothing else) and just waiting to get out of there

Cut to going into college and i had all these hopes and dreams for myself. i was going to be the popular kid, big man on campus. And i ended up doing that. I was always invited to parties, had a girlfriend, people wanted to chill with me. I thought it was a good thing. I had accepted in my mind it was a good thing. But it wasn't. I would sleep all day either missing my classes or barley able to stay awake during them. I didn't get involved so i just stayed in my suite all the time. My drinking was turning some people off. The girlfriend that i had we were on and off but i new she cheated on me a few times. It was the first person i ever had feelings for so i was devastated.

The next year was one of the worst years of my life. To start it off, that girlfriend called me over summer vacation and told me she was pregnant with my baby and that she was going to have an abortion. I agree it was the best for both of our lives this way, but i struggled with the fact that this happened to me cause i said i would never do it. I became even more inverted and started using more drugs and drinking more. I was really overweight and in the worst shape of my life. I always said i wanted to get healthier but i never did and just stayed that way til i finally flunked out of school. Looking back it was the worst time

Now i am doing a little better but i am still struggling to get to that next step. I got diagnosed late with ADD, which explains my trouble focussing which causes me all these problems and to go down the rabbit hole. I am starting treatment soon and i hope to get better and be the better person i know i can be.

Thanks for letting me rant a little haha. I want to keep up with these boards because i know there are people like me out there and we can only get better if we have each other

-B.

[Ieris]

Hi B,

Good to hear that you still believe in yourself and not giving up! Hope the treatment goes well and you can get back on track to achieving whatever you want in life. We all fall down at some point (even successful people) but what is important is that you always get back up. Do not see these as set backs but as experiences that hope you grow and learn more about yourself and the person you want to become. You may have made a few mistakes but don't beat yourself up over it, learn your lesson then move on. I know you may be disappointed and feel like you messed up but we can't change what we did yesterday so focus on how to you can make things better today.

I hope you feel better after sharing your story

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