It would take too long to tell my whole story, but I am seriously going crazy. I am a month away from twenty one, have no car, no money, no job (I lost the job a month ago when i lost my car in an accident) I've only had one girlfriend my entire life, it lasted three weeks and ended 2 months ago. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but it has been apart of my life for the past couple of years. I used to be very happy, always the class clown, and generally just had a good time. Then I started thinking about the future, and honestly, this last couple of months it feels like there is no hope for mine. I have become so socially inadequate, that talking to people(especially girls) is impossible. Sometimes I just stare at a wall or my feet for HOURS. When I am around friends, I no longer have fun, or joke around. I'll usually put on a song and zone out. It's not normal. I have no more motivation, or hope that things will change. Everyone always gives the same advice; Think more positive, things will change... eventually. Well, I can't wait for eventually. Why can't I enjoy my youth? Everyone I know goes to college, has a girlfriend, goes camping, parties, and I'm missing out on vital experiences. I can't go through life with a fake smile thinking; Well, when I'm 30 I'll be happy. I really don't want a lot either. If I had a car, a crappy apartment, a girlfriend, and an ok job, I'd be set. Also, the reason I've decided to go online for help is, again, I do not have one dollar, or health insurance so professional help is out of the question. I've never made a suicide plan, but i think about it daily. I know my first step is to get a job, but without a car that is impossible. When you're pouring sweat after a three hour walk you just don't look hireable, I've tried. Lately my self confidence has reached record lows. I always think of myself as stupid, a loser, depressing. I can't turn negative thoughts off when I'm reminded daily that they are true.
So, to sum things up, I'm feeling hopeless(and I do believe there are hopeless cases). My mom is the only reason I haven't killed myself yet.
I am going crazy.
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
I've dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. It has definitely rendered me socially inadequate and like you my mom is among the few reasons that I haven't attempted to take my life for a third time. The first two times I tried taking my life I didn't think that there was anyone out there who really cared if whether or not I existed. But when I discovered that my mom had been through the same things that I went through, it changed my outlook on things. Plus, holding on to my belief in God turned out to be another salvation.
I want to offer you some advice taken from my experiences. The first thing you need to do is identify the things that trigger your depressive state. Once you do that, you should try your best to avoid those things and concentrate on the thing that makes you most happy.
For me, writing makes me most happy. Being able to write a story or simply get my feelings off my chest by writing them down calms me in so many ways.
The second thing you should do is understand that you are different and that it's ok to be different. In life, we want things to go a certain way but seldom do we realize that if they did, we could never become stronger. So what if you can't experience life that way that others commonly experience it. Create your own experience by finding people with whom you can relate with; who understand what it is that you're going through and are willing to stick by you to serve as a reminder that you are never alone and that there are people who can affect you in the same way your mom does.
Third and it seems you might have this down pact but giving your body a constant workout will help you to shake away a lot of those negative feelings.
I hope that in some way this helps. Also, you should check out my book called "The Depression Chronicles." Its the first of three books that chronicle my life dealing with depression through a series of poems. If you go to amazon and look it up, you'll be able to fully read one of my poems entitled "Pain". Maybe something in that poem will stand out to you giving you the courage and strength to hold on.
I want to offer you some advice taken from my experiences. The first thing you need to do is identify the things that trigger your depressive state. Once you do that, you should try your best to avoid those things and concentrate on the thing that makes you most happy.
For me, writing makes me most happy. Being able to write a story or simply get my feelings off my chest by writing them down calms me in so many ways.
The second thing you should do is understand that you are different and that it's ok to be different. In life, we want things to go a certain way but seldom do we realize that if they did, we could never become stronger. So what if you can't experience life that way that others commonly experience it. Create your own experience by finding people with whom you can relate with; who understand what it is that you're going through and are willing to stick by you to serve as a reminder that you are never alone and that there are people who can affect you in the same way your mom does.
Third and it seems you might have this down pact but giving your body a constant workout will help you to shake away a lot of those negative feelings.
I hope that in some way this helps. Also, you should check out my book called "The Depression Chronicles." Its the first of three books that chronicle my life dealing with depression through a series of poems. If you go to amazon and look it up, you'll be able to fully read one of my poems entitled "Pain". Maybe something in that poem will stand out to you giving you the courage and strength to hold on.
Hey dude. I'm new here too. After reading several posts, I ran along yours. The weird thing is that I could have written any one of these posts and yours, well, when I was 23, it was just a nightmare and I coped with the same feelings and thoughts you have written about.
Now that I'm 47, I can't believe I made it through. You mention ppl telling you to be patient, things will change. Well, it really is true. Having low self esteem is a powerful factor in life. That's something which is in our control- your control. Out of all of the problems you are dealing with. Grab a hold of this one and tell it to take a hike. You're not going through his for nothing. People like us, ppl who get dumped on and have to walk to an interview all sweaty, well we know how gritty life can get. We are also very passionate ppl who can appreciate the small things, unlike most. Be cool and be here now. Instead of thinking of what life is going to be like down the road..... Later.
Now that I'm 47, I can't believe I made it through. You mention ppl telling you to be patient, things will change. Well, it really is true. Having low self esteem is a powerful factor in life. That's something which is in our control- your control. Out of all of the problems you are dealing with. Grab a hold of this one and tell it to take a hike. You're not going through his for nothing. People like us, ppl who get dumped on and have to walk to an interview all sweaty, well we know how gritty life can get. We are also very passionate ppl who can appreciate the small things, unlike most. Be cool and be here now. Instead of thinking of what life is going to be like down the road..... Later.
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