lonely, depressed, worthless, paranoid

[odlaw]

Hello everyone

i have been struggling with depression as long as i can remember, i am always feeling sad, worthless, depressed. I think sometimes that people secretly hate me. I do not feel as if there is a way out of these feelings. i feel that im probably very annoying as well. i know i am probably paranoid feeling like that, but its always there in the back of my mind. I also have trouble trying to find women because I'm always afraid I'm not worthy of being happy. and every time i do try and have tried to go and find someone it just ends with me being disappointed and even more depressed. i just feel like i cant do anything right. no matter what i do. i do have family and friends, but those feelings will not go away. I'm so terrified I'm going to be alone and miserable all my life. i have recurring nightmares of being alone and sad and miserable as well. there has been many times i have just wished to go to sleep at night and not wake up the next day as well.