Looking for support

[77blueheron77]

Just found this webpage and looking for people for support. I've been disabled from walking much for 3 or 4 years now. May have lyme disease too. I haven't been able to cope with the career and activity loss very well. I'm a park ranger which means most jobs I can't apply for anymore. Surgeries and accidents have caused my mild depression to be bad all the time. I use to come out of it after a time of injury and recovery. Now things are probably permanent and what I wanted in life in terms of outdoor exploration, marriage to someone I'm attracted to and financial viability, reasonably are just pipe dreams. I was hospitalized 2.5 years ago for depression. Good option for many who were in crises, but honestly I just have hate for the doctor.

This lymne thing I'm worried will push things overboard again. My mind has started thinking about suicide much more often because of injury pain and the lyme symptoms. My mind tells me that logically suicide is the only way out of this life I have no interest in doing anymore. Keeping going is crucifying myself for the sake of others and morally isn't right. In many ways I envy the peace of my dead friends who died "great" like Great Gatsby. They never had to live with the lose of all of their dreams.

[SamIAm26]

Hi blueheron,

You're a park ranger huh? What state (if you don't mind me asking) I used to work in wildlife conservation. It's a passion. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I just joined this site today, kinda seems like we all just need to get on the same chat room and have a big community support thing...