Depression Understood Forums

I need some advice because I don't know what to do no more that sometimes I feeling like not being in this world no more but the only person who stops me is my little girl. I'm tired that everyone makes fun of me because of my weight and I also get really irritated with everyone in family.I have lost all my friends after i had my daughter and kinda lost my parents to which means that I don't really have no one to talk to about my problems, how i feel or even of how my day went. I know I have my daughter but shes only 13 months how she going to understand me or gi[/size]ve me advice.[/color]

hiya

Been battling this a few years myself but had a good few years while its been ok and it's back.

Why do you feel you have lost everyone hun? I feel the same, no one understands and motivation is just not there.

I have been trying the last few weeks to pull myself together. Sending hugs. New myself today if you wanna chat feel free to yell. x

I just want to share my story. I hope you will find time to read it.

I entered law school with two goals in my mind – to graduate in 4 years and to pass the bar examination on my first take. I did well after three years, getting high grades in most subjects. I did get a failing grade in Property so I took up the subject again and passed. Fast forward to my fourth year in law school. A batch mate was my dorm mate. He is fun to be with, a nice person with a very good sense of humor. He became my friend. Let me call him Dwarf. He was hooked up in shabu (methamphetamine hydrochloride) for more than 4 years.

Being close to Dwarf, I myself became addicted to shabu. Just like Dwarf, I began using it for my daily studies. It really helped keeping me awake, helping me concentrate, and simulating my mind. I was able to think fast with this drug, perhaps too fast or complicated for my own good. My grades were an all time low. But what can I do? I could no longer study without it. Besides, I need it to enable me to attend to extra-curricular activities in school which used up plenty of my time.

My girlfriend for years did not suspect anything. Yes, I lost weight but not that much because I eat even if I do not feel like eating. I knew how easy it is to lose weight with shabu and I do not want her or anyone to suspect anything. In fact, she was always around after her work and we eat together whenever she visits.

I did graduate in 4 years and I promised myself that I will study for the bar exam without using shabu. I transferred dormitory away from Dwarf. Not that I blame him but I am sure I will be tempted if my source is just a few doors away. I knew it would be a struggle at first but I have a little more than 5 months to prepare for the most important exam in my life. And so I began.

The first and second months of preparation quickly passed by and I have not accomplished anything. I was studying at a very slow pace and I am not even sure if I am absorbing anything. I knew I was way behind in my studies. I put some of the blame on my room which is too hot in the afternoon that I could barely concentrate. My mother was kind enough to get me another place, a room with my own terrace with much better ambience. With a little over three months left to prepare, I was running out of time. Even with a room more conducive for studying, nothing is going through my head, my third month of preparation likewise gone to waste.

I knew the culprit, my addiction to shabu. Do I tremble without it? No. Do I think about committing criminal acts whenever I use it? No. It was the kind of addiction that I could no longer study without it. I do not want to flunk the bar so I finally thought of giving up and take the next year’s examination instead. But the good thing happened.

Out of nowhere, I began reading the daily gospel in the newspaper. Day by day, I was amazed at how the moral of each scripture seems to refer or give advice to my predicament. My heart was touched. I felt God watching over me. But I still have the problem with my studies which caused me to break down one night and confessed everything to my girlfriend. It was then that she introduced me to Jesus and I accepted Him as my saviour. She prayed over me and we prayed together. I surrendered to Him all my doubts and worries. I trusted in Him that He will give me the strength, courage, and will to hurdle the Bar exam. And so I did. Jesus, with all His goodness, gave me the gift of salvation and a passing grade in the Bar examination to accomplish my goal.

After passing the Bar, I made a promise to Jesus to spread His goodness with a simple sharing of what He has done for me. This I failed to do. Nine years after passing the Bar, it is only now that I write this testimony to give credit where it is due and to share what is supposed to be shared. I hope He accepts this simple testimony to fulfil my broken promise.

I am sure many of you have problems far worse than what I encountered. But big or small problems, Jesus Christ heals. He saves. Surrender everything to Him. Trust in Him and do not ever lose hope.