Depression Understood Forums

hi everyone..

i would like to start by thanking anyone who will take the time to read or answer to this post..

i have never suffered from depression before and i haven't been diagnosed.. i don't know what depression really is but i've been feeling very off for the past months... some nights are harder than others..tonight is one of those nights and i just needed to get this out...

it's one of those stories that you might have heard countless times about a girl having her heart broken by a guy. I'm a 25 years old woman. I was engaged to this guy who was everything i ever wanted from a man. He was charming, he was handsome, he was smart, he treated me like a princess and the world just stopped when we were together. I travel a lot for work, and when i came back from a long trip, it was suddenly different. He was so distant all of a sudden.. after 2 weeks, he admitted that he suffered from severe depression. that he had always felt this way ever since he could remember and that being alone while i was traveling had made it worst..he was hiding it from me because he wanted to be strong in front of me...he wanted to be the perfect man that he thought i deserved. he said he couldn't be strong like that anymore. that he knew he was going down and didn't want to bring me down with him. that he needed some time alone to get better..so he left, just like that. i was willing to help him get through it, but he didn't want to. he said i would only get hurt.
The thing is that him leaving is really what got me hurt. It hurt me even more when I learned that he cheated on me with a coworker. It hurts even more today, almost a year later, when he is still dating that coworker. so much for the need to stay alone and heal...

It's been a really rough year ever since it happened. I've been crying almost every day. I've been dating meaningless guys just to ease the pain.. it worked for a while, but that kind of thing only last for so long..it just feels so empty now... i've been crying a lot.. missing work some days because i couldn't stop crying.. i would call and pretend i was sick..
and just like he did w me, i'm pulling an act in front of my coworkers, my family and my friends so they don't see how wounded i am inside.. so they still see me at that strong woman that no one can hurt

i just don't know how to make peace with what happened. I feel like it just get worst every day..

Hello..

Sorry to hear that you are still suffering from all of this even after a year, you deserve so much better! Guys like this is so common, they create this perfect fairy tale then all of a sudden you find yourself crashing down from Heaven. Sadly some people feel that they did something wrong, but really he is the one who has just moved on. The wanting to be alone and heal is just a pathetic excuse especially when he jumps straight into the arms of someone else. I guess he may feel by saying that it will let you down lightly but you need to see it for what it is, just an excuse to break up.

In order to move on you need to ask yourself, what do you want from him?Perhaps you need closure, maybe you want to know why, maybe you want him to feel bad and come begging back...
Do you still miss him? Do you still want to be with him after what he's done? Do you want to see him? These may be painful questions but I feel you need to ask yourself these in order to let go/find a solution.

It is difficult seeing someone you love/loved moving on and living happily with someone new while you feel abandoned and struggling to get through the day. It is unlikely that he will come back and put things right so don't trap yourself there, you must try to move forward. I don't know if you see him around and look at his stuff on facebook but it may be a good idea to delete everything you have of him including his phone number (if you haven't already). If you think you will backtrack and might want to contact him again some day then write his number somewhere as a backup, transfer any messages, photos together onto a USB and lock it away. Hide/give away anything that reminds you of him and try to start fresh. Someday you will look back at these things and they won't upset you like they once did, you'd probably be able to delete/throw them away because they no longer have any meaning. When I went through break ups I didn't even dry my tears with tissue, I used a towel! Didn't know how I was going to get through it, it was tough but I did and I just laugh when I think back at it. They say time heals everything...

Think of this as a good thing, how he showed his true colours before you got married and started a family. It is a shame how it all turned out but your prince is still out there, don't miss out on your future by looking back at your past. It simply wasn't meant to be, and just because he hurt you, not all guys will. When you are ready go back out there with an open heart, give someone and yourself that chance.

*hugs*

x

Hugs to you and hope that time really does heal.