New. Chronically ill.

[Ophelia22]

I've struggled with severe depression for over a decade now. It came on quite suddenly for me when I was 18; I also began to suffer from anorexia, severe insomnia, and chronic fatigue.... 10 years of trying psych. meds and ECT, nothing helped, at all. I am also chronically ill, so there's the question of whether or not the psych. problems are a result of being ill or perhaps they are immune mediated. I have primary auto-immunity, clinical encephalitis, POTS syndrome (dysautonomia), IC (intersticial cystitis), I have pretty horrific ocd that came on suddenly 4 years ago, sleep disorder, and I've often been labeled as having "chronic fatigue syndrome" but I think that's a blanket diagnosis.

I started a very intensive treatment for the neuro-inflammation and insurance cancelled it, so I've really been down. I spend most of my time lying in bed b/c I'm literally that fatigued, but it's just WWIII in my mind with the 24/7 ocd and inability to sleep. So I really don't have a life, this contributes to me being extremely depressed. Anything I do makes me fatigued and crashed. I do have down-ward mood swings (no highs) but I get severely depressed at times, they believe the inflammation and autoimmunity are causing many of the psychiatric problems so I'd be interested in hearing from other people that might have PANDAS or AE any other immune mediated psychiatric illness.

Besides all that, I was a musician before falling ill, I still write and play when I can which is rarely, I do have some music online and video of me playing on youtube. I do a lot A LOT of photography and enjoy spending time on flickr - editing photos is something I can do from bed.

My parent's divorced about 8 months ago and though I'm an adult it was very hard b/c my father blamed me; they'd been married for 30 years!.......... So it's really hard, I feel extremely guilty, I feel like I'm ruining my mom's life or that I have. I have ptsd as well from being ill and how I was treated by the church, old friends, family - they just called me lazy and malingering but according to my harvard graduate NYU neurologists, I am gravely ill...... funny how everyone thinks they know everything.

I wonder what my future holds, if I have a future at all. I think about it too much, wish I had a crystal ball to let me know things would get better. But things do not look good.

To end on a positive, I love my dogs and spend tons of time with them. Sometimes they just lay by my side, and that's enough.

Depression has been horrible lately so decided to join here.

[CAMARO]

Hi Ophelia,
I am new here too and dealing with multiple disorders also. We all wish we had Crystal ball to tell us things will get better, but only we ourselves can acutally make it better. As for your father blaming you, most people need someone to blame in order to cop with the issue when deep down their subconsious knows blaming isn't the answer. If you know it isn't your fault then don't let it affect you. Let him sit in his bitterness alone. For your chonic fatigue, have you tried doing excercises and taking vitamins? Sometimes excercising stimulates the body to give more energy. It also helps you sleep once the energy is wasted. I do zumba with my Wii at home when I am up for it and find it a relief to some of my symptoms.
Hope you feel better soon!