New Here: Lost, need to reach out

[Amac083]

I'm here again, that place where the world wants me to feel like I'm in the wrong. Like its all my fault . . . maybe it is.
There is never anyone to talk to, no one can ever understand. I don't expect them to understand what I feel like everyday. I only hope they can understand what I try to share and why I try to share it.
I battle with depression, or even bi-polar if you will. Most of the time though - it is depression and sadness that effects me.
I may be irritable. Sometimes little things bother me more than they should, but sometimes maybe just maybe there are things that any un-depressed person would still be annoyed with.
Long story but maybe a boyfriend who does things his way and has plenty on his own plate, a low paying job, and a house full of sometimes 5 kids (1 mine and 4 his) contributes to why I can feel unappreciated and hurt.
I've hit this same low in my life over and over. I try to find an answer and have never been successful.
Can there be an understanding anyone out there??
Just someone who can relate?
Or am I just a raving crazy psycho witch... ??

[Amac083]

I'm 30, have a college degree ...which btw I'm definitely not utilizing, and in a constant battle with not on only the entire world but a lot of days MYSELF.
My rational side tells me its all going to be ok. But my depressed/hopeless side wants me to just end it all for an escape.
I really want to reach out for help - but get this, in a support group I've recently visited, I found myself not wanting to burden the other peers with my stupid problems.
I cry for myself, then tell myself that I don't need any pity.
But maybe we do? maybe not everyone goes through these constant battles...maybe some people just live their lives without this much effort to keep sane.

[fallen]

it is important to talk about your problems, you will feel better for unburdening your self, it may release something for you .
why should everyone talk about them selves and not you.
you are important, and special , and unique.
everybody needs help some time in their life. to many people leave it to late or struggle on maybe they think they are going to get a victoria cross or purple heart medal for their bravery !
seek help, and more importantly ask for help, ask to be heard.
take care

[alison]

Everyone thinks diferently, if you feel unapreciated or hurt by someone close to you chances are they don't realise they're having such affects on you. If its brought to their attention they'll likely make an effort to repair the damage . If not , atleast you'll have put the topic on the table for future dicussion. You're not a phyco witch and being open in a calm collective manner will help prevent you from coming off as one.

[Frame]

I agree with Alison. It's often hard to start talking, and often hard to stop. But in between, I think, if we can get a respectful exchange of ideas going, that's the only way to move a relationship closer our own ideal. And if each party feels like they have somehow gained then trust and security can take a step forward.

[4EverMe]

Hi Amac083,
Firstly, welcome to the forums. It's good to have you.

Secondly, it's certainly understandable why you've been feeling unappreciated. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely in a house filled with six people-including yourself. It's conceivable that you're feeling depressed due to the lacking relations between you and your spouse! When I say "relations," I'm referring to meaningful verbal communication as well.

How long have the two of you been a pair? Have you brought your feelings out into the open yet?
Does he even know you've been to support groups, or is this something you've kept private?

[Amac083]

4EverMe,
We've been together more than 6 years.

I bring my feelings out to the open. Well I've tried many times.
But for those who don't "understand" ...they really CANT understand.
There are no words to make them even begin to be supportive in the way that I've been looking for.

He knows that I'm trying to find a support group. But again, he doesn't understand the desperation behind me trying to find a group.

It's nice that others have said the same "you should share, they'll want to hear." and "they can't know anything is wrong until you tell them". But again, I don't believe any of that is true.
They may WANT to...but I don't believe they are able, able to really care.

I'm just strange... maybe even foreign to them.

I've decided this week.

I must just be different.

[Frame]

I thing I understand what your saying Amac083.
There are people around me who really aren't able to care.

It's impossible for me not to take it personally. Yet when I do it erodes my own feeling of compassion and makes me feel I'm failing. The logical me knows it's not true, but being around people, who won't or can't give me the respect I deserve, is very emotionally corrosive.