Hi everyone

[luckyirishlass]

Hi,
So ive posted once or twice but never introduced myself.. Im 28 and finished college nearly 3 years ago, where i got my degree in animation. Ive a wonderul boyfriend who loves me very much, we've been going out fr over 4 years now. On the outside everything is rosie, and i smile and laugh alot. People usualy call me when they are upset or need a shoulder to cry on. Im the strong, confident kick-ass woman. Well obviously not all is bright and peachy.. and im not as happy as i make out to be as im on this site. I dont even know if i have a right to post, because i havent been diagnosed as having depression.
Ive been through a lot of shit (who hasnt) a few years back i witnsessed my best friend get raped in a nightclub toilet, i chased him in a blind rage, but then i broke down into sobs...and thats when he got away. We filed a report to the police, but of course he's another scumback who hasnt got caught. anyways.. she lived with me for 2 years... and my best friend really is depressed. She always has been. Shes sufferef from bulemia when she was younger too. but living with her...being her constant 24/7 live in therapist/phycologist... oh we were als in the same class in college. Well it nearly broke me. It was a very hard time for me, and only now am i realising i shouldnt feel guilty about it. Im not trained to deal with a live in depressed person... but anyway.. the anger over her being raped and the anger at myself for feeling depressed when i thought i didnt have a right to be... im slowly coming to terms with that i think.
We are still good friends now, and she get regular treatment from trained phycologists which is great. Shes also doing great in her career, being great friends with her boss.
I on the other hand... have been struggeling with work cnstantly since i graduated (i know in this climate im lucky to get work) I just lost my job 2 weeks ago. I worked SO HARD in college. sweta, blood and tears. And ive nothing to show for it.
I live at home, cause i cant afford rent to move out. my family is very disfunctional. my mam and dad cheat on eachther and have an emotionaly abusive relationship. Im often used as bait/blackmail to the other when sitting at the dinner table. my sister has an eye condition which is slowly turning her blind. Shes lost all her frntal vision, and shes only 26. My older brother has severe mental phobias.. he has never worked and is constantly paranoid and afraid of leaving the house. He lives at hme too.
Somedays i feel fine! i wake up happy and laugh and in great spirits. and i seriously see myself as a lucky woman. i have my health, im strong, ive a great boyfriend...
but then at other times.. more recently...it feels like life is beating me down. im tired, sometimes exausted from this constant battle. no matter how hard i try, it seems to come full circle and i end up deprressed and lonely again. LIFE. IS. HARD.
there i said it.
sometimes i dream about taking acid or other drugs just to drift away...but i would never be that irresponsible.
i want to run away to south korea. a dream ive been obsessing about for a few years now. i love theyre culture. and im even taking korean classes.
Does anyone ever feel that life is tedious and just...boring and well sad?? I want to live an adventure.. anyway im rambling now.
If youve read to hear, thank you
Anyway i hope this sad/lnely feeling goes away. i think it might be time to bight the bullet and go to the doctor and be honest.

[luckyirishlass]

Sorry for the terrible spelling!

[MyUnseenStarlight]

Hi there. It's really nice to meet you. First of all you DO have a right to post regardless to not being diagnosed with Depression. Your a human being needing to be listened to and to know your not alone when life is hard. Your a wonderful friend to be there for your friend like that. That shows what a beautiful person you are. I'm really sorry about your job loss though. And I'm really sorry that things are so difficult for you at home. In times like this I wish I had some " magic " words to say to make you feel better. If you think it' s time to go to the Dr it's worth a try. And if your looking for adventure , I think that's awesome. Keep your heart and eyes open. This world is a beautiful place and there is so many things to do. Go out there and make every , single dream you have come true !! And always know that if you need people that will listen to you , there's always this room to come to. People do care and will listen. Take care !! And don't apologize for the " typos " ... you did just fine.

[luckyirishlass]

Hi there. It's really nice to meet you. First of all you DO have a right to post regardless to not being diagnosed with Depression. Your a human being needing to be listened to and to know your not alone when life is hard. Your a wonderful friend to be there for your friend like that. That shows what a beautiful person you are. I'm really sorry about your job loss though. And I'm really sorry that things are so difficult for you at home. In times like this I wish I had some " magic " words to say to make you feel better. If you think it' s time to go to the Dr it's worth a try. And if your looking for adventure , I think that's awesome. Keep your heart and eyes open. This world is a beautiful place and there is so many things to do. Go out there and make every , single dream you have come true !! And always know that if you need people that will listen to you , there's always this room to come to. People do care and will listen. Take care !! And don't apologize for the " typos " ... you did just fine.

Thank you so much for your kind words.. its hard for me to be truthful and be sensitive in how i feel... talking here helps alot I need to see how beautiful life can be again!