Depression Understood Forums

Hi,
My name is mark, I came here yesterday just looking for ways of support to change my thinking. I have been depressed for several years, I guess I would call it walking depression until 4 months ago it got worse over a heart breaking event that I think was a wake up call for me. I have been a mess, for the first time in my life I went to the doctor to seek depression meds in which I got prozac (god me on prozac I felt like a loser) I also did alot of self medication LOL by way of drinking every night which worsened the situation and increased my depression greatly or atleast prolonged it. I believe God tries us and throws some of these hard things in our way as way to get us (as painful as it is) to look at ourselves. I truly do believe he does not throw us more than we can handle. I just very recently started feeling better or atleast not thinking there was nothing to live for when for some reason I decided to look at the blessings I do have and not what I have lost, or the what could have been's. While I still hurt, this way of looking at my life has taken alot of the pain away and I feel like I am slowly filling that painful void in my heart, lol as you can imagine it helped to slow down on the drinking a bit as well. While I am not what one would call a religous man (havent been to a church in years) I do believe that God has his reasons and his purpose for me and this is why he opened my eyes and is helping me be grateful for the good things im my life that seemed so insignificant to me in the past. I think that one must look at themselves honestly, look at what the true source of their unhapiness is because one might find as I have that I have been creating my own unhapiness for years and can blame no one but myself for that. Changing that is no easy task, sometimes feels impossible but I know I can but I do know I need some support in this and that is why I am here. Thanks for reading my long winded rantings.

Mark

No problem Mark; Thanks for posting.

Yup, yup, and yup; a lot of things you said make a lot of sense (I say a lot too much. Have to work on that.). The glass half full, the drinking, Gods challenges; I think you have a really good perspective. I try to remind myself that is actually giving me what I'm praying for and it's up to me to make it work. Sometimes it's rough. I feel the same way on any antidepressants because my life is such a challenge that I need the anxiety to keep pushing. On antidepressants things feel OK even when they're not. That actually may be part of my issue right now as I've been taking St. Johns Wart for a few months and life is falling apart. On the other hand I'm not sure what I could do right now to effectively alter this course, so it may be better to feel a bit better about it.

Anyway, if God really does challenge us up to but not beyond our limits, then it's all going to work out fine. Please don't think I'm mocking you. I'm not; I believe that too. It's just that when your in the middle of it, then it sometimes doesn't look fine. I'm on the fence lately about creating our own unhappiness. I used to believe that and I do believe there are many many things you can do put you in the frame of mind for happiness. But I'm beginning to think that happiness is as much chemical as mental and that there are physical challenges to happiness that we can't blame ourselves for not conquering. I think there are people more and some less predisposed to happiness.

Later Dude;
Frame