Depression Understood Forums

Hello, my fellow comrades in suffering!
I’m new here and I realize how similar your experiences are to mine considering all the minor and major differences of circumstances, genetics and background.
I’m a 40 years old single man who is struggling somewhere in the middle (I hope) of his life trajectory. I got no wife, no kids, no boat. I work 40 hours, but sleep a lot more. My hobby was eating plain butter, therefore I gave it up. I work out compulsively instead, but it ain’t no hobby, cause it is hard, but less harmful than butter. I hate to do anything for fun unless I’m under the gun of losing vacation time, airline miles or an event that is much more difficult to handle than an escape on vacation to some far removed part of the globe. I have no support group because every relationship requires the maintenance effort that is usually beyond my scope of interest or beyond my motivation.
I tried psychoactive meds but they make me feel unrecognizable to myself as myself supposed to feel like. I tried the talk therapy, but I get sick of moralistic lecturing on the virtues of volunteering or discipline or meditation.
There are lots of things I enjoy doing when I get to do them, but only for a brief period of time and only if I get to convince myself to do what I enjoy (a losing battle more frequently than not).
That wraps it up for now.

Welcome no_answer. It gets better. I feel your irritation with the moralistic directions. It is silly to tell someone who feels hopeless to "think positive" isn't it? Don't have much advice cause I'm new to feeling this way but hanging onto the fact that people I know always have better days.

Hey no_answer;

Your moniker tells my story this week. I'd like to be or some support but I'm spending more time here whining than I am helping. I kind of feel like inhabit in that, I don't want to tell you to do homework in happiness. Although I do think, moralizing aside, there are a set of things we need to do when we are in crisis (that includes depression). Problem is I'm doing most of them to my utmost and there not working so well.

So who am I to say today. Still, there are people here like me who are listening. And right now you won't get me to admit it; I sure don't feel it's true, but my heart knows inhabit is right. There will be better days.

My father suffered from depression off and on most of his life. It was he who told me about "Fake it until you make it". Yesterday my husband informed me we were going to the neighbours for dinner. Sitting in my old pjs with my greasy hair I was furious and in tears....soooo much work to get cleaned up and then to have to pretend to be glad to be there all evening. But I pushed with all I could muster....... Glad I did!! the effort was enormous but I LAUGHED for the first time in months. The people were light hearted and the food was good. Wishing I could have kept the feeling longer but so good to know it's out there.

While waiting for the bus yesterday, I was reading a book titled "Understanding the Mind", by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. [I often ask myself whether I'm just wasting my time. I'm often confused as to where my studies are leading; certainly not security or financial freedom.] So many ancient texts about the mind parallel current events in that they are both concerned with truth and suffering. These days though, we tend to wield justice and entitlement to blame others for our suffering. But more science is accepting what ancient wisdom teachs, that pain is necessary but suffering is optional; that suffering is something that occurs wholey in one's mind. Both bodies of knowledge also suggest that awareness of our true reality is a way to dispel suffering.

I'm connecting the above paragraph with inhabit's post:

inhabit wrote: the effort was enormous but I LAUGHED for the first time in months. The people were light hearted and the food was good. Wishing I could have kept the feeling longer but so good to know it's out there.

because this quote has great meaning to me. I don't know how; I don't know why, but I think a huge factor in the success and failure of my life has been whether the good feeling from good times last. Conversely, of course, we could state the same concept as, whether my good feeling can be interrupted by challenges and problems.

As I look around at people I respect as being more successful than I am, it seems to me that their contentment and satisfaction with the world can't easily be dampened. They keep the good times at hand and apply that optimism to even the toughest of problems. I, on the other hand, seem to run out of good feelings even in the middle of a party. When my life is on track, rocks appear in the road like mirages.

So how do I reconcile, that modern science and ancient wisdom places the root of suffering securely in the mind and on our deluded awareness of the reality, the truth about nature? What is it about my view, and perhaps the views of others here, that forces suffering upon me? I know what it's like to feel good and what suffering feels like. And all too often, for too little reason, I suffer.

Frame wrote: Both bodies of knowledge also suggest that awareness of our true reality is a way to dispel suffering.

I'm connecting the above paragraph with inhabit's post:

inhabit wrote: the effort was enormous but I LAUGHED for the first time in months. The people were light hearted and the food was good. Wishing I could have kept the feeling longer but so good to know it's out there.

because this quote has great meaning to me. I don't know how; I don't know why, but I think a huge factor in the success and failure of my life has been whether the good feeling from good times last. Conversely, of course, we could state the same concept as, whether my good feeling can be interrupted by challenges and problems.

As I look around at people I respect as being more successful than I am, it seems to me that their contentment and satisfaction with the world can't easily be dampened. They keep the good times at hand and apply that optimism to even the toughest of problems. I, on the other hand, seem to run out of good feelings even in the middle of a party. When my life is on track, rocks appear in the road like mirages.

So how do I reconcile, that modern science and ancient wisdom places the root of suffering securely in the mind and on our deluded awareness of the reality, the truth about nature? What is it about my view, and perhaps the views of others here, that forces suffering upon me? I know what it's like to feel good and what suffering feels like. And all too often, for too little reason, I suffer.

Hello, Frame, hello, inhabit and thank you for a very thoughtful replies. Frame, I find it ironic that your conclusions from reading the good books you are reading are completely at odds with the conclusion I derive from a very bad unrecognized and scientifically untested ideas of Ernest Becker in his "denial of Death". You see, the illusion of life forever, the illusion of our self-efficacy and the illusion of confidence in benevolent powers of others to help us out is what optimism is based upon. So, it is the reality of our condition, the thoughts of futility of any human enterprise (maybe, the whole human race as an event in the universe), the reason behind socializing with other meaningless humans to build a permanent structure to justify our meaning of life is what causes our darkness. If only we could enjoy the above-mentioned illusions, we could be like them, but we don't want the illusions, although we want to be as happy as they seem to be (at times that we observe, cause we don't know what happens later or earlier).
Quite an opposite take vs what ancients thought of, wasn't it?

Yes it is no_answer. Reminds of something I've said more than once, here and other places; "Where would we be without our delusions?" Scientists and Buddhists want to strip us of our delusions. But delusions prop us up and keep us going, don't they?

I was talking to someone last week about Zen and seeing the meaningless of existence. It can give a soul freedom, but must be preceded by careful preparation of the mind. Novice monks who proceed too quickly have been known to take their lives over the grief it caused. Delusion may cause suffering, but glimpsing emptiness isn't for everyone. I'll have to look into Ernest Becker; Thanks.