Read me please- Im new, looking for support

[Anonymous4283]

Hello everyone, this is the first time Ive ever joined any sort of forum or chat site. In the past I have done plenty of journaling, writing, art and therapy but this site is a first for me. I hope it will help if Im consistent with it. I tend to get a lot out of being able to write freely. So please don't take my lack of puncuation at times for lack of intelligence! I just prefer to leave editing for schoolwork.
Anyway, I'm 28, I live in NY with my amazing husband and my adorable puppy. I work in social working helping kids who are struggling with a whole range of emotional disabilities and I attend college for special ed. But like many of you here, the outside doesnt always match the inside.
I've been depressed since I was a kid, I have a history of domestic abuse, self harm, suicide attempts (2), alcoholism, and physical health problems. I am currently on Prozac and it works well to keep my lows from getting too low. However I still have days I dont function well, days I want to give up. I cant talk to anyone about them because I dont want them to worry. I have come a long way since Ive begun rehabilitation and consistent medication and sobreiety almost 6 years ago, so I am not at risk for suicide , but I fear that the low level depression will someday catch up to me and take me. I stay busy, I try to be positive, I have faith, I take my medication, I have a good life, but sometimes, as we all know, it just wins the day. Intellectually I have the skills, I know how to use my coping skills, I know how to stay sober, how to use my networks, how to change my perspective. But somedays my depression just tells me to go back to bed, and I just cant convince it otherwise.
I guess I dont really know what I want from this forum, maybe I just need people to listen to me and validate my feelings without being affected. It also helps me just to write this. So thats me. Im sure Ill be chiming in on the forums.

[hollyann]

Hi Anonymous4283. Welcome to the forum. Don't forget to try the chatroom to if you think that will help. I know you said you've done journaling. Have you done blogging? Or thought about it, there are blogs with this site. I'm glad you decided to join.

Have you talked to your doctor about the days you have functioning even with the Prozac?

hollyann

[Anonymous4283]

Hi Holly,
thanks for responding. No, I havent tried the chat rooms yet, I just joined tonight, but Ill go check them out now. I also have never blogged before, I dont really understand how it works.

I have talked to my doctor about my lows while on medication. She tried to add Abilify but I had bad side effects, so she just increased my Prozac. But the kicker here is that Im trying to get pregnant, so Im also afraid to go up on the meds, because Im just gonna have to get off them.

[hollyann]

Hi again.

To be honest I have never blogged before either. I think its sort of like journaling only others can see it. I don't really know. Others that do it can probably tell you better or you can take a look at the blogs and see what others have done in their blogs. I figure it can't hurt any. And if you can use it as a coping skill even better.

The room can get busy at times. If it feels like you aren't heard at first keep trying. A lot of people are seeking help at the same time that it can be discouraging. The good news is there are really caring people there. And no one is ever intentionally ignored. If you aren't getting an answer to something you've asked, or it feels like no one's listening its always a good idea to try again. Sometimes people just don't know what to say, or they are hoping someone else would say something. However don't be shy to say anything that you might need help with. Some one else might need help with the exact thing, and by listening to you and what others say it can help them. If it does prove to hectic try increasing the font size in the chat, or asking someone in there if they'd like to PM (Private Message).

I wish you the best as far as trying to get pregnant. And I understand about needing to go off them if you do. Just make sure when the time comes that you make up for not having the meds, by maybe increasing therapy sessions, or doing some of your other coping skills. Pregnancy is a very emotional time so its good to have a game plan ready for your mental health.

hollyann

[Alaska1958]

Hi 4283, welcom aaboard. My phone is making some strange edits. Funny thing about me, for all the medications I've everttaken I have seldom had any side effects. I've used zoloft, but currently use amitriptyline (it's very cheap). They have all beenaabout equally effectiv. They keep the wworst of the depression at bay, but don'. Make me feel good.

I'm really glad that your life is going as well as it is. At 55 I've suffered from depression for 40 years now and recently had a lot more trouble keeping it together. I haven't tried blogging or the chat rooms either, though the blogging idea has appealed to me. It soundslike you are doing a lot of ppositive things and I applaud you for for them.

I'm going to post this and restart my phone as these errors are bugging me.

[4EverMe]

Hi anonymous4283,
Welcome aboard! I notice we hold something in common-- enjoyment in writing and artistic things. What kind of art do you work at?

I wanted you to know that very I'm proud of you; Despite the depression, you're actively engaged in activities that will improve your future! This is good. Still, I realize you're inwardly suffering...

Hopefully, you will find a more helpful medication. Just know that you've people here who who are very understandingand non-judgmental. I'd say that the majority know all too well how difficult depression can be. You're not alone. And good luck with your pregnancy! Hope all goes well for you.