Depression Understood Forums

Hi everyone. I'm new to these forums but I'm at a weird place in my life and medication has really let me down recently so I didn't know where else to turn. I've had severe depression for almost fifteen years, since I was thirteen or so, and severe anxiety for the past three or four years. I mean, I've always had anxiety but it's been getting almost debilitating for the past three or four years.

The medication that's always helped my depression in the past (Zoloft) has just made me more anxious and incredibly angry so I stopped taking it about six months ago. Now I'm not sure what to do because it's the only medication that ever really worked for me. Besides that, I can't find anyone to talk to that can also prescribe meds and I have difficulty finding a therapist as it is, much less having to get in touch with a second person on top of that- the frustration of that situation has made me throw up my hands (as my depressed brain often makes me do) and give up so I haven't been talking to anyone or on meds for about six months.

Look forward to meeting you all and learning from you as well.

Hi kawaiistargirl;

I know just what you mean about finding the right help. I think there is a fit required between therapist and/or psychiatrist and each persons personal history. Not an easy thing to do, but it can happen. I also think that meds can sometimes get in the way of living and living can get in the way of meds. What I mean is; don't write off meds. Doctors will tell you that you need to stay on your meds and I think they have a point, but my experience (personal and observational) is that med interruptions happen; and often we feel they're not doing the job. That doesn't mean they won't work in the future.

It's easy for me to feel left behind; by people, drugs, therapists... But reaching out is the way to find out. And to know is better than to not know (credit to Greg House). So welcome to the forum. I'm glad to see your post.

Hi Frame,

Thank you for your kind words. My problem is that I know logically that I need to be on meds to fix my broken brain chemistry and have some kind of semblance of emotional and mental normalcy, but when I get frustrated and overwhelmed, I lash out like a petulant child and say "well, eff it then, it's not working, nothing will ever work and it's too hard to find someone to help, just forget it!" which I know is a mistake when I look back at it, but at times like this when I'm overwhelmed, it's hard to think logically, you know?

I know

Something a therapist once told me; things will never be all better; When things are bad, when there the worst, they will be just as bad as ever.

But with effort and help the space between the bad times (when times are better) will widen and the the bad patches will become shorter. So I think that's worth working toward. Meds, no meds, your in control and you will learn what works and what doesn't. You can do it and the way you do it will probably be a little different than anyone else. That's OK. Keep the goal in sight.

Thank you so much for sharing Frame, it really helped! I managed to get through the day, thank goodness- I wasn't sure I'd be able to without a major meltdown.

I never realized Winston Churchill struggled so! What a great quote, so inspiring!