Depression Understood Forums

I'm 22 years of age, and I've probably had a hundred or so days in the last ten years in which I did not lay awake at night for hours wanting to die*. I feel that I am, at best, a burden on those around me-that I just get in the way. I feel so very alone, and, moreover, that that is how I should be-that I don't deserve better. That, even if I did deserve better, playing a role in someone else's life would make their life worse and therefore should not happen.

I feel like so many are gifted with compassion, empathy, and the capacity to love those around them-their family, friends, significant others, etc. Where many of you probably feel such things, I feel empty, cold, dead. I feel a complete lack of any real connections to anyone. I feel that I am so fundamentally different from everyone else, and in such purely negative ways, that I am not really an actual person-that I'm something less, something worse, something that shouldn't exist.


*not that it's much different during the day.

Sorry to disagree Pyotr;

I'm sure your feelings are real and honest. And I feel for you; I know how awful it is; this self analysis, these questions, the lack of sleep.

But if you didn't have compassion and empathy you wouldn't be loosing sleep; you wouldn't be here. Questioning your right to exist, where you fit in this world, is not something insensitive people do.

In any case Welcome. Tell us more about your life.

Hi Pyotr,

Welcome, please go ahead and talk to us.

This may shock you but I've been where you are. That complete lack of feeling the sensation that you dont and shouldn't exist. I understand the horrible feeling that brings. I wish you didn't have to feel that way. Because you are not alone. Thankfully I've worked past it and things are better in some ways. It's a slow road, but we're all on it together