Depression Understood Forums

I'm an almost 20 year old male, graduated from a 2 year tech school for Architecture, and still feeling lost.

Let's start with high school. I feel like the guy that everyone wanted to know. I had a great personality, and got along with everyone I talked to. From Athletes, to Nerds, to Jesus Freaks ( i am a christian), and even to the druggies. I was the guy to know. During Junior year, I got myself a girlfriend, and everything was going well. A few weeks later, she introduced me to her family, and broke up with me a week later. She told me that she just didn't want to date me anymore, but when i talked to one of her friends, which was one of my friends, she said that she broke up with me because her family said that i was too short (I was barely 5' 0" at the time, and she was 5'6"+) That really hurt me, being that me admitting that i had a crush on a girl in middle school said to me, and saying i was too short, really hurt me. I was sad for a few weeks, but eventually look at myself. I was chunky as well, and that built inspiration to start body building. It worked well! I was at 5'1", bench pressing 250 by Senior year. Everything was going well, and i was at my peak of happiness.

Then came graduation. I though it was going to be great! Finally getting out of high school! It didn't. It felt like a regular day. Then i went off to college. A 2 Year Architectural and Engineering Drafting School. I met some new people, and had a great time there, but i started to feel more empty inside, but i ignored it for the most part. During the last Semester, we had a capstone project to complete in order to graduate. Seeing that i slacked off a little bit, i have some crunch time to put in for my project. I had about 50 of the 80 hours needed, and crunched on the last week, seeing that i completed a research paper, and presentation for it, but not a physical model for it. This is when i was at my lowest, or at least for the time being. It felt like i was going crazy, i couldnt think. I was sad,angry, confused, and almost forgot what i was doing the entire time.

Little later, i graduated. I thought i would have felt great hitting this milestone in my life. a 2 year degree at the age of 19! Not the case. I felt even more empty inside. I was expecting some good congratulations from the family. All i got was a "Good job" and a pat on the back. Then the night was over. It felt like my family just didn't care about me much. They seemed much more excited when my twin brother came from Boot Camp from the National Guard.

Now it has been 5 months since i graduated. No job, no interviews, no money. Just living with my mother, brothers and sister. I felt like i lost my passion, but was still looking for it. I knew i loved drafting, but i couldnt get a job in the field. I was still trying to find a job in the field, but every call was, "We're looking for People with more Experience." This shot me down. Hard. I felt like just giving up on finding a job in the field now, and looking for part time work that doesnt include fast food. I found one some openings at a local trading card store. They still haven't looked at applications from what i have heard, but i have been waiting for the past month or two.

During the last 2-3 months, my mother decided to get a dog, and make me watch it. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, thinking it wouldn't be a bother to me. Well, it didnt at first. Then my brothers (Twin) got a dog for his girlfriend, because she was begging him for one. He got her one, but she just figured out that he family was allergic to dogs, and they left the dog with me. That was 2 dogs i had to watch now. She visits around once to twice a week, to see her dog, then goes back to school (Her campus also does not allow pets). The stress levels were okay, i could handle them. I mean it was just 3 little puppies right? Well then, my brother then decided that he wanted a dog, and got a yellow lab. That was the breaking point. He said if he got a dog, that i would have to watch it, being that i have no job. Then it all came down, looking for a job, having 3 dogs, and no car or license, i couldnt go anywhere but around the block, but i live in a pretty bad neighborhood, so i try not to go out much.

The stress of watching 3 puppies was building up on me, while everyone was nagging me to find a job, and get my life together. What's even more stressful? My stepmother dropping off her kids at random days over my house to babysit as well. All of this was getting on every last nerve that i had left.

And this month, has been the hardest for me. One of my sisters wedding is coming up, and the suit i ordered has not come in for the past month, and is stressing the crap out of me. Everyone in my family is also nagging on me for this as well. Then my brother does this one thing, that just me overboard. He gets home from work, decides to watch some tv, and leave his dog alone. The dog poops on the floor, and he tells me, "Why didnt you take him out?" I replied,
"He's your dog. You should take him out."
Then he blew up a little bit and started talking anger to me, and we argued for a few seconds. this set my mood off for the rest of the night, and into the next morning. The next morning, he was mad because he let all 3 dogs out, and yelling everywhere. Being in a bad mood already, and him yelling just threw me overboard, and wrote on facebook, tagged him and said he was a lazy owner and so was his girlfriend, and the both of them made stupid poor decisions without any thought. Then it lead to more arguing. At the same time, my other sister thought it would be a good idea to say, i have a job opening for you, i coming over to get your information.
Terrible idea. When she came over, i handed her the information, and told her to leave. She would not. She kept persisting on asking me why i was angry, and i said, "You already saw the facebook post" then she kept asking why, like as if she was talking to a puppy that was doing something wrong. I kept telling her to leave me alone for the moment, seeing that i didnt want to get pissed off even more. She wouldn't let down, and kept saying i was being disrespectful to my older sister, and i should be grateful for her finding me an opportunity for work, and i should be super excited. When she finally left, i was so angry, that i waited for her to leave the house, and hit 3 big holes into my wall. I stared at it for a bit, and walked outside, and took a stroll for a while. Maybe for about an hour. Just walking around town. Thought it would cool me off. It didnt, and i walked into my room. My mom saw how mad i was, and saw the holes, and i just sat there quietly to myself. When she left, i sent a text to a good friend of mine from church, seeing that i havent been to church since my 2nd semester of college. I told him i wanted some scripture about seeking help and feeling lost. As always, he was a help, and i started calming down. I picked up my bible, and started reading and listening to some gospel music. Then one of my buddies thought it would be nice to take me out in the middle of the night and treat me to something. So he picked me up, and we went of for a few minutes. My mom calls me, and starts crying a little bit, but i told her what was going on. She was calming down a bit, and i got home. Then i slept.

Then comes today. I felt good, and better about myself for a moment. But then all changed when my sister messaged me on facebook. She was apologizing a little bit, and still feeling anger towards her, i said "Sorry isnt going to fix my wall." She then rages to my other sister, and my other sister tells me, and that set my mood bad to step one. As pissed off as the day before. And now i found this site, thinking i could find some advice from people that have been though this. What do you guys think? Am i depressed? Should i see a doctor, even though i have no money? What should i do?

Thanks for reading. I know its long.

Hi there. It's hard to say if you are seriously depressed or not and I'm certainly not qualified to try and give you a diagnosis. Some of the people who come here are going through some difficult times and may not meet the clinical definition of depressed, but are still welcome to come and visit and talk with others who can relate with their troubles. Some of us have struggled for months, years and decades with depression.

The first time I actually went out and sought help I was 19 and went to a local mental health clinic. You might be able to find something in your area that could offer some psychiatric help. Hopefully some place that would charge a rate that was based on your income level. Try googling it or call a crisis help line.

You've gone through some difficult times recently, but you've also accomplished quite a bit. Cut yourself some slack and take pride in what you have accomplished.

Some of this emotional turmoil should level out as you find your place in life. Getting a job will help. Try for any job to start with, it would be great if it was at least related to architecture. Say even a job at a construction company or entering an apprenticeship program in one of the building trades. You're educational background would be a plus and the two skill sets would compliment each other.

It's just an idea. Any job (think overnight shift at 7 11 even) would be good for you. About the dogs. Jeez, I love dogs, but I just can't take decent care of them these days. Too bad to, I've got two boys who would love to get another one. But for you, this doesn't sound so good. What is with these family members who get dogs and then leave them with you to take care of? You know your family, I don't. But I'm thinking again that a job would help. You could then say "I can't take care of your dogs anymore, I have to go to work".

Take care of yourself and come on back anytime.

Good luck

It's not right, in my opinion, to get a dog, call it yours, and not take care of it. You have every right to be angry en' mas at your siblings. Something which might help you sort out your emotions, though would be to separate your feelings for your family from your feelings from the dogs.

This is what I mean; for just a second forget about your family. Your at home most of the time and you have four dogs surrounding you. Do you like them or dislike them (as dogs, not as family property)? Like them or hate them, do they deserve to be taken care and do you have the tools (the food, the space, the leashes, etc...)? Do you at present (forget about playing video games) have the time to care for them?

Here's the thing. Your family may or may not deserve your help, but if the dogs deserve your help and you can provide help then you can improve your life, the dogs lives, and everyone else's life by caring for the dogs as dogs and not letting ownership get between you and your actions.

Beyond that, if you really want to teach someone a lesson, then do a really great job of caring for the dogs for a while, get a job, and then dump that burden back on the real owners. Suddenly they'll see you in a new light. They'll miss you and the dogs will miss you. Also, it may not seem like it but, the discipline of caring for four dogs every day will both prepare you and motivate you to find a job you like.

My two cents.
Let us Know how it goes.

Have you ever considered a career as a dog walker? Lol! Sorry, but I just HAD to ask that; I couldn't pass the opportunity up! Hopefully, you'll get atleast a little chuckle over it. I think it's kind of crummy that your family members would dump their dogs off on you--and not just one family member, but a number of them.. You DO have the option of returing them. They have no choice. Those animals belong to THEM. If they try telling you "No," then say you'll drop them off at the Humane Society. Of course, please don't TRULY do this! It wouldn't be healthy or fair to the dogs. After all, it isn't their fault. You could also tell them that it's hard looking for work each day because you can't leave the dogs alone to crap in the house while you're gone. Speaking of work, are you paid for the babysitting? It's not like they just needed a few day favor, you know? There comes a point where it's no longer a favor. If you feel taken advantage of, put your foot down!

Is it due to circumstances that you're depessed?