I've nipped this habit quite a while ago, probably when I was about 19. However, recent events are making me even more anxious than I generally am, and I'm definitely depressed.
First of all, it's important to know that my grandmother was pretty much my best friend. My mom was only 17 when she had me and was single, so obviously her parents played a big role. I was with my grandparents nearly as often as with my mother.
My grandma and I were interested in most of the same things, we read all the same books, watched all the same shows. I came to her with everything that I felt I couldn't go to my mom with, and she defended me to my mother until the end. My grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer in November of 2010, and passed away in January of 2011. I was completely devastated. She never got to see so many of the things that I hoped she'd see from me, and I no longer have her as a companion.
About a month before I found out my grandma had cancer, I met and instantly fell for my ex, Eric. I knew he was a bad boy, but I was instantly attracted to that. Things went really well with us, and he ended up my boyfriend in early January of 2011. When my grandma died, he was with me. He was there, and gave me such comfort that I couldn't imagine going through anything major without him.
We had a great relationship for a while. Soon, he became pretty emotionally abusive. He has anger issues, and would often take things out on me that were not my fault. He never hit me, or anything like that... but the things he would say to me were incredibly hurtful, as he meant them to be. On January 3rd, 2013, one day before our 2 year anniversary, he told me that he wasn't attracted to me anymore and asked me when the last time I'd been to the gym was. Yes, I'd gained weight over the span of our relationship, but not THAT much. I was totally blown away. A girl that he used to have relations with and him started talking again, and they became great friends again.
In May, right after my birthday, he told me that when our lease came up as over we should go different ways. I was in complete shock. Things had been much better between us for the past few months. He's now living with the girl I previously mentioned, as roommates. All of our mutual friends now treat me like I'm a leper instead of attempting to be there for me. I live alone now for the first time in my life, and am feeling so utterly alone.
Sorry for the long post, but I thought it was important to get my background out there. I'm going through an intense period of depression, and would appreciate any socialization I can get through this site. Thanks so much.
I'm also definitely willing to be here for any and all of you if needed... just message me.
Amanda