Why hello there!
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Why hello there!
Not 100% sure what I'm mean't to really say in this, first time trying n' all that! So I guess I'll just vent a little and explain the reason I'm here!
Apologize, this is the first time I've put it into words! But I assume this is a safe place. x] I've been through various things in life n' not always enjoyed myself. Had various problems with depression since I was around 10 and have been in and out of counselling / therapy since then. One of my main problems was that I couldn't bring myself to leave the house, which slowly got worse the more I allowed myself to stay inside. Almost two years ago I found out some pretty bad news and since then things got worse which led to me having panic attacks when I went out, and about a year and a half ago I started staying at home. I've left the house once since.
I told all of my friends that I've moved away, and cut connection with them all. I now realize that this was an awful idea! I plan to start talking to them again, but I want to feel well when I do. So I'm basically just here to meet a couple of people n' talk to them about stuff. I like to think I'm a pretty nice guy and would be more than happy to listen to people!
Hope to speak to some of you soon!
Blaine.
Apologize, this is the first time I've put it into words! But I assume this is a safe place. x] I've been through various things in life n' not always enjoyed myself. Had various problems with depression since I was around 10 and have been in and out of counselling / therapy since then. One of my main problems was that I couldn't bring myself to leave the house, which slowly got worse the more I allowed myself to stay inside. Almost two years ago I found out some pretty bad news and since then things got worse which led to me having panic attacks when I went out, and about a year and a half ago I started staying at home. I've left the house once since.
I told all of my friends that I've moved away, and cut connection with them all. I now realize that this was an awful idea! I plan to start talking to them again, but I want to feel well when I do. So I'm basically just here to meet a couple of people n' talk to them about stuff. I like to think I'm a pretty nice guy and would be more than happy to listen to people!
Hope to speak to some of you soon!
Blaine.
Hi Blaine,
I'm glad you decided to share what you're dealing with! And yes, this site is a very safe place to share what you're thinking/feeling. No one judges and people are understanding. So, you can feel at ease!
Wow...Where do I begin? I CAN TOTALLY RELATE to what you said! I also have depression and Panic Disorder. It's SO hard for me to leave my apt--even just to check the mail. When I DO leave, it's usually only when I HAVE to. And I have to mentally work myself up to leave. Ugh...Sometimes, I'm canceling appts because I don't feel I can do it. What I'm saying is a big, resounding, "I know how you feel!" And just as in YOUR situation, it started out small only to become progressively worse. My PTSD sure doesn't help either! When I initially had a hard time leaving the house, it seemed that negative things too often happened. So, in time, it was like a snowball affect. My xanax helped for a while in leaving home. Now it only sustains me in my apt. When I HAVE to leave, I use a little xtra xanax!
I'm glad you decided to share what you're dealing with! And yes, this site is a very safe place to share what you're thinking/feeling. No one judges and people are understanding. So, you can feel at ease!

Wow...Where do I begin? I CAN TOTALLY RELATE to what you said! I also have depression and Panic Disorder. It's SO hard for me to leave my apt--even just to check the mail. When I DO leave, it's usually only when I HAVE to. And I have to mentally work myself up to leave. Ugh...Sometimes, I'm canceling appts because I don't feel I can do it. What I'm saying is a big, resounding, "I know how you feel!" And just as in YOUR situation, it started out small only to become progressively worse. My PTSD sure doesn't help either! When I initially had a hard time leaving the house, it seemed that negative things too often happened. So, in time, it was like a snowball affect. My xanax helped for a while in leaving home. Now it only sustains me in my apt. When I HAVE to leave, I use a little xtra xanax!
I almost don't know what to say, thank you! Honestly just reading that made me feel a little better. I've not been able to check the mail for quite some time though, just opening the door to let the person that is helping me inside the house is bad enough at the moment. And everything you said seems too similar x] After a while it seems like when you go out, something bad happens so it is better to stay inside. How are you doing with it all?
Hi Blaine,
I'm grateful for your swift response! Also, I'm glad you feel a little better atleast!
As far as how I'm dealing with this...hmmm....To be honest with you? I have SO much crap going on in my life that I'm worried about those things more than anything else. The isolation is very depressing. There is a friend of mine who runs me around each month to do my errands. I really enjoy her company so the 'outting' is kinda nice. For some reason, I don't feel as anxious leaving home when a friend is with me. But it's not very often because my friends are pretty busy. For that reason, I'm alone all the time.
Blaine, it is really something. Checking the mail? Lol!! When I first moved into my apt, I couldn't check my mail for 3 weeks! The mail lady had to come to my door and tell me my mail box was too full for her to insert any more mail. Embarrassed, I apologized and told her I couldn't leave my apt due to anxiety. She was very understanding.--Brought my mail to me!!
I'm grateful for your swift response! Also, I'm glad you feel a little better atleast!

As far as how I'm dealing with this...hmmm....To be honest with you? I have SO much crap going on in my life that I'm worried about those things more than anything else. The isolation is very depressing. There is a friend of mine who runs me around each month to do my errands. I really enjoy her company so the 'outting' is kinda nice. For some reason, I don't feel as anxious leaving home when a friend is with me. But it's not very often because my friends are pretty busy. For that reason, I'm alone all the time.
Blaine, it is really something. Checking the mail? Lol!! When I first moved into my apt, I couldn't check my mail for 3 weeks! The mail lady had to come to my door and tell me my mail box was too full for her to insert any more mail. Embarrassed, I apologized and told her I couldn't leave my apt due to anxiety. She was very understanding.--Brought my mail to me!!
Yeah, I really miss the company of people as well! But I'm hoping to change that through sites like this, and sometime in the future telling my friends what has happened to me.
Same thing happened to me a few months ago, had a package delivered and I had to get the guy to leave it in front of the door so that I could quickly pick it up and run back in!
I've been in the house for over a year and a half now, I've kinda lost track of time. I don't feel the need to leave anymore, which is really worrying me. Have you gone through anything like this?
Same thing happened to me a few months ago, had a package delivered and I had to get the guy to leave it in front of the door so that I could quickly pick it up and run back in!
I've been in the house for over a year and a half now, I've kinda lost track of time. I don't feel the need to leave anymore, which is really worrying me. Have you gone through anything like this?
Hi Blaine,
Yes! I have and do go through this. OMGsh, I've heard others talk about agoraphobia, though I've heard nobody mention the 'loss of time!' Thankyou for bringing this up Blaine, because I thought at times I was going crazy! When you consider it though, doesn't it make sense? We have a hard time breaking out of our cages. So, since we're stuck within them, (curtains usually closed too) day and night sorta merges--our time confused. . And all is vapid in the sense of our resignation to having such a boring life. Now, I just want to cry. My eyes are pooling, because I never wished to be this way. Damn this anxiety! Damn the loneliness...
I'm glad you're going to discuss this with your friends And if they're there for you and support you, I guess there's no better medicine than LOVE.
Yes! I have and do go through this. OMGsh, I've heard others talk about agoraphobia, though I've heard nobody mention the 'loss of time!' Thankyou for bringing this up Blaine, because I thought at times I was going crazy! When you consider it though, doesn't it make sense? We have a hard time breaking out of our cages. So, since we're stuck within them, (curtains usually closed too) day and night sorta merges--our time confused. . And all is vapid in the sense of our resignation to having such a boring life. Now, I just want to cry. My eyes are pooling, because I never wished to be this way. Damn this anxiety! Damn the loneliness...
I'm glad you're going to discuss this with your friends And if they're there for you and support you, I guess there's no better medicine than LOVE.
Awh crap, I didn't mean to upset you! Thank god it isn't me feeling that way though, of course I'm sorry that it had to be you! But this whole loss of time thing happened so quickly, I didn't notice it for months.
Do the rooms ever feel strange for you? I sometimes walk into the room where the front door is and it almost feels like a dream, just doesn't feel real if that makes any sense?
Would be happy to have a talk on the chat room thingy at some point if you fancy it?
Do the rooms ever feel strange for you? I sometimes walk into the room where the front door is and it almost feels like a dream, just doesn't feel real if that makes any sense?
Would be happy to have a talk on the chat room thingy at some point if you fancy it?
No, It wasn't you who got me upset!! Don't feel responsible for that, okay? I'm actually very thankful that you posted on this subject. I'ts always nice to know that I'm not alone in my bizarre predicaments. So, you are a help.
I would like to discuss this in the chat room. But unfortunately, I am on this site via cellphn. Lol! If you need or wish to PM me, that is okay. (Dang it. I'm typing this up and a girlfriend of mine keeps sending rude txts! Ugh..)
When you were describing the strange feeling of being in a dream, etc , were you meaning that you sometimes get a bit disoriented? This happens to me now and then. Pretty weird sensation. Almost like you sway slightly to the side too? Hard to explain...
I would like to discuss this in the chat room. But unfortunately, I am on this site via cellphn. Lol! If you need or wish to PM me, that is okay. (Dang it. I'm typing this up and a girlfriend of mine keeps sending rude txts! Ugh..)
When you were describing the strange feeling of being in a dream, etc , were you meaning that you sometimes get a bit disoriented? This happens to me now and then. Pretty weird sensation. Almost like you sway slightly to the side too? Hard to explain...
Hi Blaine; Welcome to the group.
I can't say I know the feelings involved with agoraphobia, but I know I get angry almost immediately when I go outside. It's different; I can't handle noise, I'm getting more and more sensitive; and I live in a big city. So it's hard, but I don't want to minimize your struggle. I'm not in the same league.
I wanted to hinge on one of your goals. I'd be happy to talk of other things, but I wanted to mention that none of us here and none of your friends feel good all the time. I mention it to let you know that we here and all your friends know what it's like to not feel so good. That's important because when you do take the leap and reconnect outside, there will be people out there (your friends) who understand. They will forgive.
If your like me in this, you are your "worst critic". So part of the work your doing on the inside is about being more gentile with yourself, learning to forgive yourself for whatever part of you that doesn't measure up, for being part of the human race. So it might be OK not to wait quite until you feel totally well.
Thanks for listening.
I can't say I know the feelings involved with agoraphobia, but I know I get angry almost immediately when I go outside. It's different; I can't handle noise, I'm getting more and more sensitive; and I live in a big city. So it's hard, but I don't want to minimize your struggle. I'm not in the same league.
I wanted to hinge on one of your goals. I'd be happy to talk of other things, but I wanted to mention that none of us here and none of your friends feel good all the time. I mention it to let you know that we here and all your friends know what it's like to not feel so good. That's important because when you do take the leap and reconnect outside, there will be people out there (your friends) who understand. They will forgive.
If your like me in this, you are your "worst critic". So part of the work your doing on the inside is about being more gentile with yourself, learning to forgive yourself for whatever part of you that doesn't measure up, for being part of the human race. So it might be OK not to wait quite until you feel totally well.
Thanks for listening.
Frame wrote:Hi Blaine; Welcome to the group.
Hello there and thank you!
Yeah I know people aren't happy all the time, but I'm finding it very hard to hide it at the moment. Which is why I don't really want to hang around my friends just yet, until I don't have to worry so much about things that are happening if I leave the house. I don't want to be spoiling peoples memory of me with this lesser version of myself! Sadly this actually mean't me not seeing my nan before she passed away recently, and other events like that! But everything you've said makes sense, and I appreciate the reply!
Yeah, I know. When the senses heighten. It happens on occasion and doesn't last for very long. It's probably the body's way of adjusting to sensory deprivation. I don't know. Yes, we have things to entertain. Television. Internet. Talking on the phone sometimes....But I believe that it's an inherent human need to spend some time outdoors. We need fresh air, sunlight, open space, visuals which not only include what is before us, but which is also in the distance. No wonder there's mental/visual disorientaion. We're mostly viewing only what's before us--nothing far off. Does this make sense?
4EverMe wrote:Yeah, I know. When the senses heighten. It happens on occasion and doesn't last for very long. It's probably the body's way of adjusting to sensory deprivation. I don't know. Yes, we have things to entertain. Television. Internet. Talking on the phone sometimes....But I believe that it's an inherent human need to spend some time outdoors. We need fresh air, sunlight, open space, visuals which not only include what is before us, but which is also in the distance. No wonder there's mental/visual disorientaion. We're mostly viewing only what's before us--nothing far off. Does this make sense?
Yeah it makes perfect sense, yet again! You're good at this. Can't remember the last time I looked out the window, and if I've had to open the door for somebody I've always tried my best to hide behind the door. I also don't seem to get bored very bored anymore, not sure if it is just me getting used to things.
I hear you. And yes, I think you're not getting bored because you've adjusted yourself to this way of life. Do you know it's illogical, still? I do, but I know it's not something hermits like us can overcome within a short span of time!! Unlike yourself, I have been outside of my apt when I get my check each month. It is then that I have to leave. Gotta pay the rent so I can continue hiding in the home I pay rent for. Hahaha! Though it's not truly funny? I don't know. In some ways, it is. Gotta laugh at myself!! But in no way am I poking any fun at you, K. So, who pays your bills, and buys the groceries, etc.? It's none of my business. I'm just curious...
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cough cough
omg u guys seem so awesome it was wonderful reading ur posts!
im sorry i dont experince what u have there blaine but if i ever can lend hand in explaining things or to helpo i defo will ! TAke care bubbles xxx

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