almost just a vent..

[Brittany]

I'm a almost 20 year old mother. I've suffered from depression for nearly 10 years. I've tried medications, therapy, and none of it has worked. I suffered post partum after having my son almost 15 months ago. Lately, the depression has been getting worse. I can't go to the doctors anymore due to no insurance and so many bills already unpaid. I am married but my husband just doesn't understand and has no clue how to help me. my family and me, we all used to be close, but now were more distant than we have ever been. I don't have friends. Being a young mom, people my age are just into the partying and drinking, and no one wants to hang out with the mom who doesn't want to drink. I just feel so alone in my life. I don't want to end it because i love my son and i would never do that to him, but i am so unhappy with myself and thats where a majority of my problems come from. in fact, i mostly just hate myself. My weight has sky rocketed in the last two years, gaining almost 70 pounds (and that was with gaining almost no weight during pregnancy.) I can't handle my thoughts anymore, crying all the time, my mood swings have gotten so bad i just feel bad for my husband anymore. It seems like theres nothing i can do to get better, and that kills me inside. The one person who knows me and is there when i need to talk is my ex (whom my husband and me are both still friends with.) Its hard to talk to him though because I feel like it should be inappropriate. he's the only one who knows anything though. he knows my hatred for myself. my numbness, and my inability to be happy My husband just shuts down when i try to tell him how i feel. I can't escape these feelings. I can't escape this hate i feel inside.. I just want it all to stop..

[hollyann]

Hi Brittany. Welcome to the forum. Please feel free to try the chatroom too. Are you in the US? Sometimes people aren't aware, but places through the county can have mental health service as sliding scale, which is you play little to nothing if you qualify. Instead of having to worry about the debt. You son is lucky to have you and you hve a right to get better for you and your son, and your husband. Hopefully with talking here you wont feel the guilt that you would if talking to an ex. I've had boyfriends in the past that suffered with depression, and I was okay as long as they talked to someone. Maybe your husband feels the same way.

hollyann