New, I Guess

[SadClown]

Mom recommended I try something like this. And I can't say I really know where to begin. I've had my depression with me for a long time now. But over the past few months, it's really started to intensify. Top it off with some recent events and I've been a mess.

At the moment, I feel like my friends either aren't taking me particularly seriously. Or maybe they just don't care. Hell, maybe they just don't know how to deal with me. It's been a few months like this. This past month being a particular mess when I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me. With someone who was once a mutual friend no less. She threatened to tell me if he didn't. And so he told me.

I've been single since. And for the first few days, my friends for the most part were supportive. Things have gone back to me being virtually alone since then, though. The exception being my best friend. But she lives in another country and understandably can't always be on Skype when I need someone to turn to.

I've felt abandoned by just about everyone else. Which has served to endow me with a pretty nasty temper these days. I feel partly because I have no outlet for any of it. But it's something I'm coming to really despise myself for. And I'm not sure how to really deal with it.

Which brings me here. A last ditch effort to find... Anyone who will listen really. I don't know how reliable of a person I can be in return. But I would like to make the effort.

I suppose I've laid it on a little thick for a first post, so... Apologies for that. I've just had a lot on my mind these days.

[hollyann]

Hi SadClown welcome to he forum. This is a positive step in the right direction. Sorry I know its rough when it seems friends disappear, you can always talk here though, and try the room too. I hope this helps gives you the positive out let you need. Are you on meds? In therapy?

hollyann

[SadClown]

Thank you. This probably sounds a bit cliche but I really do appreciate it. I started group therapy last week which is going to be having me up early Tuesdays and Thursdays. But I think it will be good to have some place to turn on the other five days of the week as well. And again, I hope I can be someone that people can trust and rely on as well.

As far as meds, I had been on Citalopram for a lot of years and it had been helping. But over the past year particularly it's kind of steadily become less effective. I've had my medication changed a few times over the past few months, but nothing's really worked and Effexor actually made me worse.

I did get a sample of Seroquel and it actually started helping(I had been on it before when I was in high school as well and it had helped back then too), but I'm on public aid and they won't help pay for any more under the claim that there are other equally good options available that don't require prior authorization. Something I admittedly don't understand much about. But my primary care physician has taken me off of everything cold turkey after the Effexor.

Aside from group, I'm seeing a counselor once a month and am scheduled to see a psychiatrist. But it will be a few months yet. I'm told he's the only psychiatrist in my area who will take public aid. So he tends to be pretty booked.

[hollyann]

Hi again. Sorry you were taken off the med because the public aid wouldn't pay. Here if the doctor puts down its medically necessity, they can still obtain the med. Or maybe you could get more samples of it?

Maybe you can ask the psychiatrist office to call you if there's a cancellation, sometimes that can get you in sooner. Also sometimes can get meds directly from the pharmacutical company. Might be worth a try.

hollyann

[SadClown]

That's part of why I'm seeing the psychiatrist. My physician can't give the prior authorization to have me put on Seroquel. But we're hoping the psychiatrist might. It would be his call though on whether it was necessary. So here's hoping.

Thankfully I've been told already that they will contact me if there end up being any earlier openings. Again, here's hoping.