Online help in an anonymous setting..... gotta be worth a go

[HopefulIOM]

Hi all, I'm a 27 year old male and have come on to this forum seeking support to hopefully get me through this dark phase of my life.

I have felt "down" at many points in my life however as i have never felt suicidal i did not consider it to be depression.
I have reached a point where for the last 6 months i have been more down than up. having done a bit of research i think that actually yes i do have depression, and i would like to do what i can to stop feeling so useless.

Before writing this thread, i have had a read through many other accounts of peoples experiences and i feel guilty in that my issues seem so trivial in comparison to others, but i think that is the nature of this illness so i am going to ignore that and get on with my blog.

As a bit of background, (like many others) i think that i have been wearing a mask hiding the real me. I can't remember a time where i wasnt putting on an act outside of my own home life.

Whilst i have had friends, i have always had a hard time maintaining friendships. I always feel like people dont really like me, it gets to the stage that i feel uncomfortable in the presence of others. and meeting friends of friends in the settings of social events fills me with dread.
At the time of writing, i genuinely can't name one friend that i could just call up to hang out with or anything that friends normally do.

As with so many others, to an outsider it would appear i have the perfect life. I have a good job (although it is one i currently detest), a girlfriend, we have our own home, and we have 2 puppies. to an outsider we would appear to have the perfect set up.

In the past when i have been feeling a bit down, i would normally go and ride my bike, or go for a good run and this would help me feel better in myself. unfortunately at the moment whilst i am enjoying my exercise, the "good feeling" after exercising is getting shorter and shorter.

I have not yet sought any professional help, i did tell my girlfriend on friday how i was feeling however.
Whilst she is fully supportive she is very much the sort of person to say why not try.... you should do.... etc.
Whilst i know she is only doing it because she cares and wants to help me, i find myself getting angry at her.
I've already tried..... I've already done..... it hasnt worked!!!

Truth be told i am actually feeling a little bit better now having wrote all my stupid thoughts down on an anonymous forum where nobody knows me and nobody (i hope) will judge.

ok rant over, thank you for providing me the opportunity to start getting things off my chest.

[stillwaters]

Hello HopefulIOM
Welcome to the forums
As you have read some of the other posts you may have noticed other comments similar to your own when people introduce themselves. It is fine for you to rant here, though I suspect the moderators would remove your post if it was too "colourful"
Some people here have suffered terrible things but that makes yours and my issues no less valid as the struggle with depression and its pain is not measurable and comparable from person to person. Do not feel guilty for reaching out for help. You are correct. the feeling of guilt is a part of the illness.
While the internet has a lot of information, it is always best to get a professional diagnosis so a line of treatment can be set up, and you can determine if you actually have depression, or if it something else.
It is good that your girlfriend is trying to be supportive but in my experience, people that have not had deprssion, just dont get it, and it is impossible to explain to them. I know this can be very frustrating but I look at it that I am glad my loved ones dont know what it feels like.
Writing your feelings down can be theraputic and a lot of therapists suggest journaling to keep track of your feelings and also to see if any patterns or triggers for your emotional state can be found.
I hope that you will seek professional help and also keep in touch here and maybe check out the chat rooms here. You will find many like minded, kind and caring people that support each other in struggles like you are facing.
Good luck

[hollyann]

Hi HopefulIOM. Stillwaters had a lot of good suggestions for you. Please don't worry about venting. You can do as much as you like. We don't compare problems here and depression can affect anyone.

hollyann

[JadenB19]

Hi there HopefulIOM, welcome to the board. I'm pretty new here too since this is just my second post. What kind of interests do you have man? I am in a pretty dark place right now and I find that if you meet people you can share common interests with it might make things easier. Here are some of my main life interests that I know already at 22, I will devote a great deal of my life too.

Philosophy and Classic Literature
Soren Kierkegaard (His authorship demands a high level of committment)
Psychology especially Abnormal Psychology
DRUGS (not in a substance abuse kind of way...but pharmaceutical sciences and clinical pharmacy)
Comics and Graphic Novels (especially vertigo and some Image titles)
Music (various indie and alternative stuff, favorite band right now is Titus Andronicus)