I'm new to all this....

[Shez84]

Hi,

I've joined this site hoping to talk to someone who understands and feels the way I do. I've never done something like this before.

Although I haven't officially been confirmed as having depression from a doctor, mainly because I haven't been to a doctor as yet...I know I am depressed and have suffered from depression since my teens. I'm now 28.

This year however my drepression has escalated. I've always found winter months hard and around Christmas time is when I'm at my lowers.

I'm tired, I've no real friends, I feel alone, and I've given up on finding happiness.

There is more to my story but I won't go into now.....

[hollyann]

Hi Shez84

Welcome to the forum. Its good to have you here and hopefully you will checkout the chat room sometime too.

I'm sorry you've been having a hard time. Is there a reason why you haven't seen the doctor? Coming here is a great first step. And if you do see a doctor please be sure to tell him about the winter months being harder on you.

Is there anything that caused your depression to escalate? Sometimes people who have seasonal affective disorder use sun lamps (not sure if thats what they are called) but they can help with the depression during the winter months.

Please don't give up, You've came this far and managed this far. You've been dealing with this for a while now. But you aren't alone, or dont have to be. You can feel happier. It takes time, you didnt feel this way over night, so it takes time to get better, but you can get better. And this is a good first step.

hollyann

[Shez84]

Hi Hollyann,

Thankyou for your words of encouragement.

The reason I haven't yet has been down to me hiding my depression from everyone and pretending everything is alright. I was so use to handling things all by myself with nobody realising how bad I was that it just became a habit of hiding.

Well I think I do know what caused it. I not good at trusting people and I don't open myself up to anyone and let them see the real me, I did a while ago and I got hurt. I can't really blame it on that tbh and I don't want to blame it on that.
I think it's just a deep feeling of loneliness and feeling empty every single day, just when I think things are improving it changes and I'm feel really depressed again.
It's a cycle and every time it happens my depression escalates. I find myself stock in a routine where I go from home to work and on the weekends I don't go out and I stay in my bedroom with the curtains closed and cry.
It doesn't change and I don't talk to anyone because there is nobody. I started cutting this time which I've never done before so I know I'm getting worst. I know I do need to go see a doctor soon but I can't bring myself to go.

The only reason I'm on here is because nobody can see me and nobody knows who I am and more importantly because I know there might be someone on here who's understands.

[stillwaters]

Hi Shez84
I am sorry you are having this pain to deal with. This time of year is hard on lots of people. As the year ends it seems to be a time for us to reflect on the bad things that happened but remember the new year brings new opportunities.
I strongly recomend you see your Dr about this and get some professional help. Write down how you are feeling and the dates involved to take with you. I too tried to hide my depression and pretend it wasnt there. It only put me a year further behind in my therapy and the road to wellness.
I know it is difficult to admit there is a problem but you have made the right first step in coming here. Things can and will get better.

[Shez84]

Thanks. I'm gonna try see a Doctor soon.

[JadenB19]

Hi Shez84,

Please let us know how your doctor's appointment went. The way you describe yourself feeling is very similar to what I am going through right now. Even the way you word certain things in your post is how I think at times. Except part of my problem is that I feel beyond crying and moreso just miserable throughout the day. Almost had my first genuine panic attack today in a therapy session and I cut myself a few weeks ago for maybe the 4th or 5th time.

I am 22 years old. Male. Going through a tough time myself. Maybe we can post our way through it, no? Share your interests with people on here if you havent done so already.