This is me.

[mtg1983]

I joined this forum because my depression hit an extreme peak today. I only have alittle fight left in my heart. Im 28 years old, and I have been fighting depression since I was 9. I have been unmedicated for 14 years now, with music and poetry being my medication. I dont know what is going on as of late, the music and writing are not helping me anymore. Over the past month, the feeling has been getting worse each day. I would just blow it off and tell myself that its only for today. Tomorrow would get worse, still I believed it would get better, until today. I cried and prayed all day, I hope this peak is only for today. Like I said, I only got alittle fight left, and dont know if I can make it another week, if the feeling gets worse. Im just looking for people to talk to, and give me some advice.

[balcony]

Hi mtg1983, (((((strong hugs))))))) I am sorry that your coping methods, music and poetry, are no longer working for you. Both are such wonderful things to have in your life. I hope you will see a doctor and see what other options might be available. I can understand your reluctance for medication but it meds might help you to get back on track so that the music and poetry will help again.
You might want to visit our chatroom here at DU as well. Chat is another resource where you can exchange information with peers and get some support. I wish you a brighter day today, you are not alone and we are thinking of you.

[swanwarbler]

Hi MTG

Glad you have reached out ...you must be worn out, just like I was after battling the depression. It always lifts MTG ...even if we momentarily need medicaiton for a little while. Depression always lifts !!!!!!!!!!

Accept you are worn out MTG ...just as if you and I had run a marathon. Take comfort here knowing you are fatigued and that this will lift as time passes.

Medication may help MTG. And reaching out like you have will bring something a little new.

Have a good day MTG ...Yours, Vince

[mtg1983]

Thank you for the support, it is much needed. I hope all this passes soon. Its just so odd to me feeling this down and out. I watched my mother die 5 years ago, and I hit the ground running. My human sprit progressed in that time of pain, and now I hit this degression phase. Maybe I just needed to step away from life, slow down, and take in some fresh air. Thanks again.

[balcony]

Sometimes profound grief appears when we least expect it. I think many times we throw ourselves into work and life at the moment of greatest tragedies as a means for our own survival. Maybe giving yourself some time and getting lots of support will help you through this phase now. I hope so. Take care and keep posting.