sick and tired of being sick and tired!

[Survivingbyholdingon]

Hi everyone,
I am an exhausted depressed mum of four and carer to my husband.
My two sisters are also disabled and honestly I feel as though I am utterly on the edge.
perpetually surrounded by illness and the needs of others and I'm not even half measuring up to all of the things that *need* to be done.
The last two months I have kind of thrown my hands in the air and said screw it. I do the minimum that I can get away with and no more. I can feel myself wanting to hide from the world and just feel safe.
There just isn't enough of me to go around and well, should there be enough of me to go around?
I have had depression and ptsd for as long as I can remember - I have had snippets of "fine"ness and I just want to be that person not this sad tired woman.
I am going to go to the drs tomorrow and am petrified. I hate it, I hate admitting I need help - my brain is my enemy. It isn't my fault but the drs always seem to think I must be doing something wrong to be as I am. I am just so tired - if they did what I did, fought all I have fought they would understand.
Sorry for the whine.
I don't know who to talk to. I am the happy one everyone turns to... I have no happy in me.
Holding on... just.