Depression Understood Forums

Hi, I am new at this and it took me about 15 minutes to try and find how to post something lol... Over the past couple of years I have been having these "on and off" days, usually about once or twice a month, and figured it was just normal, everyone has there good and bad days. But most recently I have feel like I cant do anything or make a decision with out freaking out about what is going to happen to me or someone else.
As you can tell by my user name, I was an avid lacrosse player and a swimmer for many years, I was recruited to swim in college and gave up lax after HS to pursue swimming instead. Swimming was always my outlet of feeling or emotion or anything that was going bad, whenever I would go to practice and finished it felt like a new day began. But at the beginning of my Senior year we got a new coach, and she did not like how the team was handled in the past and it felt like i was being pushed away from something i loved to be replaced by woman who wanted to control us like machines (this is a D3 school, anyone who played a sport can probably understand the level of intensity that comes out of an average D3 school; we did it because we had fun and loved doing it, not for scholarships and bitchy coaches).
As I now find myself blabbing ill get to the point, These "on and off" days started to become more frequent to the point at which i wasnt doing my school work, i was forgetting to do simple tasks, i have no engery to even try and go to the gym to supplement for not swimming, my relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years is starting to go down the drain, and I can never seem to please my parents with anything i do... I pretty much feel like a waste to everyone, and everything I try doing i feel like im just going to do it wrong anyway, so why bother trying to do anything.. i feel like i have let down more people in my life than i have helped, and im afraid to go into my profession of becoming a teacher because I would hate to have to let down a kid...... I just need someone to talk to and get advice from who is not a doctor or friend (tried both) because i feel like i have no one.

Hi swimlaxer and welcome to the forums. I hope that you can find what you are looking for here, there are many people here to listen to you and offer support. Hope to hear more from you! Take Care

swimlaxer42 wrote:Hi, I am new at this and it took me about 15 minutes to try and find how to post something lol... Over the past couple of years I have been having these "on and off" days, usually about once or twice a month, and figured it was just normal, everyone has there good and bad days. But most recently I have feel like I cant do anything or make a decision with out freaking out about what is going to happen to me or someone else.
As you can tell by my user name, I was an avid lacrosse player and a swimmer for many years, I was recruited to swim in college and gave up lax after HS to pursue swimming instead. Swimming was always my outlet of feeling or emotion or anything that was going bad, whenever I would go to practice and finished it felt like a new day began. But at the beginning of my Senior year we got a new coach, and she did not like how the team was handled in the past and it felt like i was being pushed away from something i loved to be replaced by woman who wanted to control us like machines (this is a D3 school, anyone who played a sport can probably understand the level of intensity that comes out of an average D3 school; we did it because we had fun and loved doing it, not for scholarships and bitchy coaches).
As I now find myself blabbing ill get to the point, These "on and off" days started to become more frequent to the point at which i wasnt doing my school work, i was forgetting to do simple tasks, i have no engery to even try and go to the gym to supplement for not swimming, my relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years is starting to go down the drain, and I can never seem to please my parents with anything i do... I pretty much feel like a waste to everyone, and everything I try doing i feel like im just going to do it wrong anyway, so why bother trying to do anything.. i feel like i have let down more people in my life than i have helped, and im afraid to go into my profession of becoming a teacher because I would hate to have to let down a kid...... I just need someone to talk to and get advice from who is not a doctor or friend (tried both) because i feel like i have no one.

Hello swimlaxer42:

Pardon my ignorance of this subject but I didn't realize that the suffix --- laxer --- in your screen name indicated that you played lacrosse. Where does that idea come from? In regards to the story that you have shared with us, it has become rather self-evident to me that you are suffering from a rather large fear of failure in just about everything that is important to you. Trust me, you are far better than you give yourself credit for.

Perhaps you are right about this new female swimming coach wanting to control the swimming team but even if that is true, you should have simply done your best and perhaps she would have realized that to be successful. which is her goal, having you on the team would make such a goal more possible for her.

There is always the chance that some other person will not agree with you on basic ideas connected with whatever achievement(s) that you are involved in. It becomes especially difficult if that person holds a position of authority over you. Do not,--- and I repeat, do not let such a person side-track you from something that you love to do.

Do not give them that kind of power over you. They do not deserve such power. Simply use the frustration that they cause you to motivate you to become even better at whatever the achievement is that has brought you into conflict with this other person. The above changes that you have the potential to initiate will be of immense value in your desire to become a teacher. Good luck and good skill to you in the future.