New to the forum

[Ursae]

Hello guys,

I am new to this forum, although I have been using the chat room for some time now. The chat room won't load for me, so I decided to take a look at the forums and sign up.

Just call me Ursae.

I am a nineteen-year-old college student attending Johns Hopkins University. I married my best friend this past January; he is in the US Air Force and is currently stationed in South Korea. I was double majoring in neuroscience and philosophy, but now I am majoring in applied mathematics and statistics.

I feel overwhelmed, and sometimes I am unsure of exactly what is wrong with me. Sometimes I feel like I have everything and so should be happy, sometimes I am doing okay and feel like maybe I'm getting better in terms of my mental/emotional health, and other days, I feel like everything is just going wrong.

My greatest issues, I think, are:
- family problems and insecurity issues stemming from such. I was more or less Rapunzel from the Tangled movie: trapped at home, with a family that said cruel things from time to time, but then played it all off as a joke. I don't know how to feel or interact with my family, and I don't know if what the things they said to me are true.
- feeling lost. I am very confused and feel fuzzy on the concepts of value and worth, if anything is valuable or meaningful.
- not doing well in school. I went from a straight A student who spent summers doing neuroscience research to someone who is failing or almost failing classes and having no extracurriculars... I feel like I am falling so behind and feel so inadequate.

I think I have always had feelings of depression; I remember that when I was younger, maybe from kindergarten to sixth grade, I spent a lot of time upset. I felt life was more or less pointless, that you went to school, worked, then died, and that was it. I felt like my family only took care of me because they were obligated to, not because they really loved me, and that I didn't really have anyone.

While I am back to being nihilistic, I do know I have someone, and so I need to get healthy again for my husband.

[Obayan]

Hi Ursae! Great to see you here as well as in the chat room hon. I think you will find a lot of really good people here who genuinly care and want to help you.

((((((((((((( ursae )))))))))))))))