Usually Keep it to Myself

[Mountain_Mamma]

Hello all..

Like my title says I usually keep these things to myself, and have a hard time asking for or accepting help. I was raised to be very strong and independent, and this shows how weak and broken I really am. I'll post more about myself in the My Story thread as soon as I get time. No computer at home right now, and when I'm "online" I'm at work and multitasking.

Very lost right now, and surrounded by darkness and can see no light. The only reason I get up everyday is for my kids, and because of some really messed up things in my world right now, even my time with them may be taken away or VERY limited and controlled.

[hollyann]

Hi Mountain Momma welcome to the forum. There is a chat oom to you might want to consider when you do get regular access. I understand being raised to be strong and independant and also know ow hard it can be to get past that and truly seek help. You made a positive step by coming here.

I dont know why (if I read you right) that things might come very limited or controlled with your kids. I dont know if its custody, or maybe social services type deal. Or if I am way off base but if it is and its because of your mental health from my own personal experience when my son was younger and I was investigated, Ijust fully complied, went to the doctors. Got back on my meds, and there was nothing that social services could do. I was actively seeking help, my doctor didn't consider me a risk to my son. The case was closed and found unfounded. Again I could be totally off base here, but if I'm not I hope it helps.

There is a light sometimes we have to dig our way out or up to find it, but it does get better or at least it can get easier to deal with until it does get better. You aren't alone.

holly

[Mountain_Mamma]

Thanks Holly...
You were spot on with the social services thing. My teen aged daughter threatened to kill herself on Labor Day, We got in a huge fight, and I stopped her from leaving the house, things escalated from there, and the neighbors or somebody called the police. She went to a hospital for a week, DHS was called in by my ex (her dad). I had been drinking that day, and I'm on probation from a DUI I got in 2010, and as part of my probation am not allowed to drink at all. They would not release her to my care, and she moved to live with her dad Monday when she was released. I also have a 5 year old and a 3 year old, and am now under investigation for child endangerment and not allowed to be alone with them until I have a meeting (today @ 3) at DHS. My sister has had to come stay with me this last week, because they think I'm this raging drunk and not safe for them. I did an ETG test for DHS, it tests for alcohol back 80 hours, and have been sober since Labor Day. They are bringing in my probation company, some guy I don't even know, because my probation officer is on vacation, and I've gathered as many support people I could. What a freeking mess I've made of things. I will jump through any and all hoops they put in my path. I know if they take my kids, I'll die. Already hurting so much without my teenager.... Whew.... sorry that was so long. I just have no one to trust right now, and feel that here I can at least put all this crap out somewhere, and out of my head, although it still sits heavy in my heart.
Thanks for reading everyone.

[MichelleDenise]

I hope everything works out okay for you and your family.

[Obayan]

I hope everything works out well for you too. Listen to Holly hon, she's one smart cookie!