Depression Understood Forums

i really need help somebody help me thinking i cant go on for years i have struggled and tried to get happy normal but i cant its like i wanna fall asleep and not wake up even the things i love are not enough now to keep me smiling what can i do

SadEyes,

I know what you are going through is difficult. There were times when I would look at a knive and imagine it slicing through my flesh, exposing punctured veins and arteries. Watching the cut fill with blood was the most exhilerating thing. I thought to myself as I cut my arm, laughing, there must be something wrong with me. If I'm enjoying this, I can't be normal. When my mother noticed the cuts, I tried to cover them up more and more because she seemed angry, not concerned. I turned from the people I loved, and I think that was the thing I needed. I started sleeping for 13 hours or more each day. (Apparantly prolonged sleeping is one of the first indicators of depression.) It turned out that all I needed was some time on my own to sort out my thoughts. I thougth I was alone. But you need to remember, even if your loved ones can't bring a smile to your lips and understand your feelings, there are people here who do. That's what I forgot.

I'm always here for you if you want to talk to me. I understand, and I want to help you. I know it's hard. WarmSoul also suggested the Depression Chat room to share or listen to others in similar situations. I hope this helped.

Your friend, CrispyRingo

thank u for reply its so hard i honestly have no one that understands me or will help me just want help with being happy and okay not picking up a knife and slicing myself is a constant battle

SadEyes,

I felt the same way, and still do. I began to reject help and turn my back on friends. I told myself, I changed when they changed. Which was true. But please believe me when I say that I really do care, with all my heart, because I know what it's like to be it a pit of sadness all the time. Some people have enough on their plate (have their own problems) and decide to ignore people suffering from depression, even when the signs are right under their nose, which to me is just plain selfish. For a long time it felt like nobody had time for me, and that no-one was willing to help. Not even my friends. It was like there was no way out, like I was helpless, like life was just too slow and difficult and I wanted to get it over with. It just made it worse that people I thought were friends turned out not to want me around. They just wern't decent enought to admit it to my face.
Remember I'm here for you, and I'm sure there are many other people in your life who love and care for you. They may not fully understand, but if they really care they will be willing to listen.

Like I said before, feel free to email me ([email protected]) or speak to me on this site if you are having any problems. I check the forum every day or so. It might be help if you try to explain to me what the source of your depression might be, like what made you feel down in the first place? For me it was my mother and father fighting, my siblings and my friends, seeming to turn their back on me. If you don't feel comfortable, that's OK too.

Your caring friend, (Amie) CrispyRingo

PS: Tell me if I'm talking too much. I feel like I am...

it means a lot to think u have spent the time to write to me ur a good person had a real urge earlier to self harmbut got away from that thought not sure how but did xx

sadeyes,

That's wonderful! I'm sure you're feeling truely proud of yourself, and I am too. Keep up the good work. I wouldn't hesitate to spend time to show I care about someone, even if I don't know them personally. I'm here for you, whenever you need me.

CrispyRingo