I have been reading through the posts here and I was very happy to see that this is a very caring and supportive community. Like many of the people here I battle with depression. I have been fighting on my own since I was a child but at this point in my life I thought it might be nice to reach out to others. I used to dream of killing myself to find relief from the sadness and pain. Like many people here I had a troubled childhood with an abussive father and overdependent mother as well as abussive relatives from aunts that liked to beat me to uncles that sexually molested me. Sometime ago I decided that I would not kill myself or fantasize about death as an escape to my sadness and loneliness. I found activities that I enjoy such as taking viola lessons and lifting weights which provide me with enjoyable challenges and great sense of acomplisment. Today I lifted--deep squats-- the heaviest weight I have ever lifted, 3 sets of 8 reps each with 150 pounds on my back what what! But like everyone I also have my blue days. Just yesterday I was pretty low and wished there was someone I could talk to, I was so upset because I was waiting for a train and a man touched my breasts and walked away like he had not done anything! I was shocked but I reved up. I said: " way to land on my breast" his answer was--and this is how I was sure he had done it on purpose because a normal person would just apologize--you should see my girlfriend! trying to make me feel bad about myself, typical predator behavior! I got really really mad, there was no way I was going to let him make me feel bad about myself. I shouted: I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR GIRL FRIEND! ALL I CARE ABOUT IS MY BREAST!!! he walked away but I was still upset that I could not do anything more. I was upset because I started thinking about how nowhere is safe from these digusting people! Hitting him would acomplish nothing, probably only get me arrested and as he touched my breast with his elbow as he was passing by it would be hard to prove that he had done it intentionally, and trust me it was intentional because there was a good 20 inches between us and as he was taller he had to lean down to touch my breast with his elbow. I was also upset and wondering about how he picked me to do that to, there were other women there, why me? Did I have the sign victim tattooed on my head--although I have a feeling that he found that he bit off more than he could chew he he
--that day I was happy and smiling to myself, I had had a good workout at the gym and in high spirits! How dare that beast come and try to bring me down! Maybe that is what it was that I was happy that he saw my happiness and wanted to steal my light with his grubby paws the dirty beast! sometimes I get low about how mean people are to overweight persons such as myself--for example strangers calling out derogatory names to me in the streets without any provocation---, about how hard it is to find good friends and good partners! well sigh.. you know what I mean Im sure. Anyways I hope also to help others when they are going through their ups and downs and to be understanding. We can scratch each other's backs right? I have come to realize that sometimes the best way to get over one's blues is to help others get over theirs. Im up here near Boston MA I love this old old city. What I love doing best is looking at old pictures of the city and comparing them to what the city looks like now. I love it because I can always find something to do if I want but it is still had its quiet spots with old world flavor. This winter has been very very cold but who am I kidding I love snow! good thing too cause we have gotten a lot of it. I'll be around 
