HURT. ANGRY. FEEL ALONE
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Alone. Angry. Hurt
I really am trying to ignore her Frame. Where you said to try and look at things as though a movie, as though I'm an observer? The only problem is im dealing with the stress of more court dates in the near future! Its not so much court on the 26th im worried about. Its the jury trial to follow. The odds are VERY bad for a person with a restraning order against them. IM the one seen as the abuser. Poor, "terrified" Sara, (with child) the victim. PUKE. Although I'm innocent, it doesn't change the fact that if I wind up in jai, i will go thru horrid withdrawal/hallucinatons from coming off my xanax! Its one of the worst & most fatal of meds to stop cold-turkey. Recently, I tried tapering off of them by taking 3 1/2 a day rather than 4. The hallucinations were SO bad i had to stop the taper!--An evil presence was whispering and 'in my face.' The engines of passing cars were roaring obsenities at me! This was due to coming off of 1/2 miligraml! Imagine me suddenly coming off of four?!!!!
Last edited by 4EverMe on Fri Jul 19, 2013 2:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
Alone. Angry. Hurt
Frame, if you wonder why my posts are so long, its because i like to write! One of my hobbies is journaling and poetry. 
Anyway, i just dont know what to do. I had recently attemped suicide those times because i was so EXTREMELY depressed. Felt void of ALL hope. Now, im wondering if suicide is something i will HAVE to do in order to avoid jail. I can't come off my medication cold-turkey without totally losing my mind!! Just tapering from 4 down to 3 1/2, I felt close to losing my sanity! As a person, im pretty strong and have survived A LOT...but this? Would be too much to bear!! Not to mention, that i cant pay rent if im locked up which would result in losing my place and all that i own!!!. If i had a gun, id probably be finished tonight. I learned that its hard to die by overdosing on pills. I will wait a bit and see what im going to do. When i plead Not Guilty on the 26th, ill get a court appointed attorney. I'll find out soon what my odds are in beating this.
Anyway, i just dont know what to do. I had recently attemped suicide those times because i was so EXTREMELY depressed. Felt void of ALL hope. Now, im wondering if suicide is something i will HAVE to do in order to avoid jail. I can't come off my medication cold-turkey without totally losing my mind!! Just tapering from 4 down to 3 1/2, I felt close to losing my sanity! As a person, im pretty strong and have survived A LOT...but this? Would be too much to bear!! Not to mention, that i cant pay rent if im locked up which would result in losing my place and all that i own!!!. If i had a gun, id probably be finished tonight. I learned that its hard to die by overdosing on pills. I will wait a bit and see what im going to do. When i plead Not Guilty on the 26th, ill get a court appointed attorney. I'll find out soon what my odds are in beating this.
Last edited by 4EverMe on Fri Jul 19, 2013 2:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
Alone. Angry. Hurt...
Please pray for me, all who read this. Pray that I'm' not found guilty and punished for things that I havn't done!!
Last edited by 4EverMe on Thu Jul 18, 2013 11:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Hi 4ever;
K, a few things.
1st; once you get to this page, then go up to the menu, whatever browser your using, and bookmark it. Rename the bookmark to whatever you'll remember. That's the way I do it.
2nd; It's great that you write so much. I've had my share of friends in crisis. Perhaps I gravitate toward them; and I have a set of tasks I believe everyone needs to perform to bring stability to their life, whatever their situation. Journaling is a big one.
3rd; It's also great because one of the solutions I might suggest, to aid in your court appearances, is to write A) notes that you can refer to and B) notes you may be able to enter as evidence. I don't know if can do B, but the act of organizing the course of events on paper will help you maintain your composure before the court.
It is very important to keep only the facts as you know them. It's OK to start by writing everything you feel, but then you must edit out everything that isn't fact. Keep the first draft for yourself if you like. But only go into court with a concise set of events that are rooted in reality (no impressions, no guessing, no feelings). And the more of these events you back up with evidence and witnesses the better.
4th; do you have help? It sounds like you should be eligible for a public defender. It's always better to put a layer between you and the judge.
Finally my heart goes out to you. I know what it's like to be pummeled by uncaring people with their own agenda. If you get a chance to snap some pics of the beauty of the sound, I'd love to see them. Just don't include your self or any image that can identify the house or even the section of town you live in.
Keep writing.
K, a few things.
1st; once you get to this page, then go up to the menu, whatever browser your using, and bookmark it. Rename the bookmark to whatever you'll remember. That's the way I do it.
2nd; It's great that you write so much. I've had my share of friends in crisis. Perhaps I gravitate toward them; and I have a set of tasks I believe everyone needs to perform to bring stability to their life, whatever their situation. Journaling is a big one.
3rd; It's also great because one of the solutions I might suggest, to aid in your court appearances, is to write A) notes that you can refer to and B) notes you may be able to enter as evidence. I don't know if can do B, but the act of organizing the course of events on paper will help you maintain your composure before the court.
It is very important to keep only the facts as you know them. It's OK to start by writing everything you feel, but then you must edit out everything that isn't fact. Keep the first draft for yourself if you like. But only go into court with a concise set of events that are rooted in reality (no impressions, no guessing, no feelings). And the more of these events you back up with evidence and witnesses the better.
4th; do you have help? It sounds like you should be eligible for a public defender. It's always better to put a layer between you and the judge.
Finally my heart goes out to you. I know what it's like to be pummeled by uncaring people with their own agenda. If you get a chance to snap some pics of the beauty of the sound, I'd love to see them. Just don't include your self or any image that can identify the house or even the section of town you live in.
Keep writing.
Alone. Angry. Hurt
Hi Frame. It was refreshing to have your response when i got up this morning! Thankyou for caring. Id like to post for others eventually, assuming im still around. For now, im just trying to keep my chin above water! There have been times in my life (times not as overwhelming) when helping others lessened my own sadness.
Tomorrow, when i plead Not Guilty, ill be able to request a court appointed attorney. After discussing my situation with him/her, ill better understand my chances. Though not to seem negative, ive gotta say that when a person has ANY type of restraining order against them, odds are not in their favor. I dont have much to offer in way of evidence, except for a police report. Basically, id walked into the police station to express my concern that 'Sara' was going to continue calling them to have me falsely arrested, AND that the Anti-Harassment Order she'd initially filed for was BOGUS! The officer told me hed type up a report. Frame, i forgot to mention....cont...
Tomorrow, when i plead Not Guilty, ill be able to request a court appointed attorney. After discussing my situation with him/her, ill better understand my chances. Though not to seem negative, ive gotta say that when a person has ANY type of restraining order against them, odds are not in their favor. I dont have much to offer in way of evidence, except for a police report. Basically, id walked into the police station to express my concern that 'Sara' was going to continue calling them to have me falsely arrested, AND that the Anti-Harassment Order she'd initially filed for was BOGUS! The officer told me hed type up a report. Frame, i forgot to mention....cont...
Alone. Angry. Hurt...
Forgot to mention...So, Sara called the cops (June 1st) to falsely report that I violated the r-order. She'd ALSO had a couple of new aquaintances inside her apt w/her--one of whom had threatened me with "black magic". (Pathetic). But, it wouldn't surprise me if they witness against me in court on behalf of Sara, or write false statements!! That would be three against one!! It also wouldnt surprise me if Sara coaches her child on what to say!
Just to clue you in a bit deeper as to why 'Sara' is so vindictive to start with? I had to speak with authorities once out of concern for the way Sara treated her child. Although, i wasnt legally able to prove she'd found out, if she didnt know THEN, she does now. Combined w/her need for drama and her vindictive nature, this
could culminate into a STORM. To her, its not about truth. Its about payback. Anyone else involved are just PAWNS.
Just to clue you in a bit deeper as to why 'Sara' is so vindictive to start with? I had to speak with authorities once out of concern for the way Sara treated her child. Although, i wasnt legally able to prove she'd found out, if she didnt know THEN, she does now. Combined w/her need for drama and her vindictive nature, this
could culminate into a STORM. To her, its not about truth. Its about payback. Anyone else involved are just PAWNS.
Last edited by 4EverMe on Fri Jul 19, 2013 3:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
Alone. Angry. Hurting...
I went to court on the 26th. Next court date is July 17th at 1:30. 'Sara,' the petitioner didnt show, but i realized that things are worse than previously thought. In the police report was nothing pertaining to me "talking" to 'Sara's' child, but rather that she alleged that i "yelled" at her child!! It wasnt her child i yelled "Shut up" to but the women who were yelling things out at me from 'Sara's' opened window. One of these women had threatened me, just moments prior, to use "black magic against me." THIS happened when they were walking up to 'Sara's' apt. They knew i was standing on my porch smoking so when they and 'Sara' were gossiping about me, the woman began yelling threatening words so that i could hear it. Finally, i got fed up and yelled "Shut up." 'Sara' had then called the cops stating that id yelled at her child--Unbelievable!! The officer who wrote out the report stated that i was very intoxicated. Kinda true, but this will make me look bad during trial, even though i state the truth. Ugh!
Sounds like things are in process and you will get an attorney; Am I right?
This is good. What's not so good is that the cops are getting a chance to see you in an less than controlled state, right? This the main evidence working against you. So you know you work in at least the next month is not to be in a situation where the cops can report you were inebriated, or unruly, ...right?
Try to stay hopeful for at least this reason if not more; the people your dealing with have probably done this before. There may be problems in their past that will surface, which may be why they didn't show. Did they have a lawyer presenting their petition?
This kind of thing often comes down to he said / she said. She may have a group of people helping her. They may have ulterior motives. Who knows maybe these people want you evicted so they can move in next to their friend and work black magic all night. But it may just be a disorganized attack on your character. Maybe no-one will show next time. Maybe they're illegal aliens.
The better you show yourself to be, the better your chances. I know your feeling down right now, if you want to stay in this apartment, your best chances are in acting like total professional. That means not allowing yourself to get into any contact what so ever with them, any of them, and documenting whatever happens (just the facts).
This is good. What's not so good is that the cops are getting a chance to see you in an less than controlled state, right? This the main evidence working against you. So you know you work in at least the next month is not to be in a situation where the cops can report you were inebriated, or unruly, ...right?
Try to stay hopeful for at least this reason if not more; the people your dealing with have probably done this before. There may be problems in their past that will surface, which may be why they didn't show. Did they have a lawyer presenting their petition?
This kind of thing often comes down to he said / she said. She may have a group of people helping her. They may have ulterior motives. Who knows maybe these people want you evicted so they can move in next to their friend and work black magic all night. But it may just be a disorganized attack on your character. Maybe no-one will show next time. Maybe they're illegal aliens.
The better you show yourself to be, the better your chances. I know your feeling down right now, if you want to stay in this apartment, your best chances are in acting like total professional. That means not allowing yourself to get into any contact what so ever with them, any of them, and documenting whatever happens (just the facts).
Angry. Hurt. Feel like dumb ass...
Hi Frame, Yes, i dont feel that my being intoxicated is very helpful to my cause. The judge also stipulated (because of this) not to drink alcohol atleast until matter is resolved. Use of alcohol is one of the things Sara used against me to get the r-order to begin with. To help her 'cause,' she would paint me out to be not only dangerous and harassing, but a total drunk! (although she frequently gets high 'reef') I dont judge what SHE does...just showing the hypocrisy!! . She didn't show for court yesterday; It just occurred to me that she doesnt have to show until trial. When she called the cops on me, though they didnt arrest me, it was their job to forward the information to the prosecutor's office. (since it was a supposed violation of her bogus restraining order). I can't stand her for lying!!
Last edited by 4EverMe on Fri Jul 19, 2013 4:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
Alone. Angrt. Hurt...
When 'Sara' called the cops and told them I'd yelled at her kid, she was correct in that she heard, "Shut up." BUT she says id yelled it at her daughter. Either this is a misunderstanding, or 'Sara' KNEW that I'd yelled at the woman who wouldn't shut her pie hole. Maybe she decided to just twist the story a bit. It would sure be helpful if i could be a fly on the wall of 'Sara's' mind! IS it a simple misunderstanding? If so, this would help me. On the other hand, if she INSISTS to the jury that I'd yelled at her kid? THAT could work against me because SHE is the one w/the R-Order. I dont know what to do. Dare to hope for the best? Even if I HAD yelled at her kid, where's the proof? Her mere assumption?? To think my WHOLE life could be screwed over this ridiculously dumb crap?! How pathetic...
Last edited by 4EverMe on Fri Jul 19, 2013 12:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
UPDATE: July 17th, (pre-trial day) I'll meet my court-appointed attorney, with whom I've spoken to by phn). We will opt for a jury trial, which will most likely take place in Sept.
A girlfriend of mine was over, a while back. Couldn't help but laugh when she said she wanted to go smack the crap out of my neighbor. She deserves more than that for lying to get me into trouble!
I guess what really hurts is that after my three suicide attempts, I began to pick myself up from that wreckage. I focused on trying to be more positive. It is THEN that Sara decided to pull this crap! Maybe it would be different if I deserved it, but I DON'T.
Inwardly, I feel sort of 'catatonic.' It's SO hard to do anything..
Additionally, i've been losing a lot of weight. It has nothing to do with food, as Iv'e been forcing myself to eat. When a friend mentioned that it's possibly due to stress, it made perfect sense! Stress is literally exhausting me physically, resulting in calorie loss.
A girlfriend of mine was over, a while back. Couldn't help but laugh when she said she wanted to go smack the crap out of my neighbor. She deserves more than that for lying to get me into trouble!
I guess what really hurts is that after my three suicide attempts, I began to pick myself up from that wreckage. I focused on trying to be more positive. It is THEN that Sara decided to pull this crap! Maybe it would be different if I deserved it, but I DON'T.
Inwardly, I feel sort of 'catatonic.' It's SO hard to do anything..
Additionally, i've been losing a lot of weight. It has nothing to do with food, as Iv'e been forcing myself to eat. When a friend mentioned that it's possibly due to stress, it made perfect sense! Stress is literally exhausting me physically, resulting in calorie loss.
Last edited by 4EverMe on Fri Jul 19, 2013 1:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
I need to vent! We all know we don't get constant responses. It's just nice that others R listening. I am 'restraining order anonymous.' Puke!!
Hav been praying 4A while that Sara (claims 2B Christian) will come forth and B honest with Prosecotor's office. Dang!--ALL THIS cuz I yelled "Shut up" at a woman I don't even know cuz she was STEADILY ranting at about me! We ALL hav breaking pts. And Sara neverSAW me yell, anyway! She and her kid were both inside. Sara KNOWS I'd never yell at her child. But she thrives on drama, IF it dznt backfire. And she plays 'victim' 4 attention! When I used 2 talk 2 her, she always had hateful things 2 say about others. And it doesn't take much 2B on her hate list. Watch out evry1! Even boastd about getting her own mom evictd ETC. Her own family hides from her-YRS! Sad, but says a lot! Now her fangs R in ME. (3 timz I tryd suicide, cpl mos ago. No one knows of mor recent timz) Feel I wont hav a choice--Cant go 2 jail and go off xanax cold turkey...CAN'T!!
Hav been praying 4A while that Sara (claims 2B Christian) will come forth and B honest with Prosecotor's office. Dang!--ALL THIS cuz I yelled "Shut up" at a woman I don't even know cuz she was STEADILY ranting at about me! We ALL hav breaking pts. And Sara neverSAW me yell, anyway! She and her kid were both inside. Sara KNOWS I'd never yell at her child. But she thrives on drama, IF it dznt backfire. And she plays 'victim' 4 attention! When I used 2 talk 2 her, she always had hateful things 2 say about others. And it doesn't take much 2B on her hate list. Watch out evry1! Even boastd about getting her own mom evictd ETC. Her own family hides from her-YRS! Sad, but says a lot! Now her fangs R in ME. (3 timz I tryd suicide, cpl mos ago. No one knows of mor recent timz) Feel I wont hav a choice--Cant go 2 jail and go off xanax cold turkey...CAN'T!!
UPDATE: On the 17th, I arrived at the court house, with a friend of mine who was with me for moral support. I met w/my lawyer, for the first time, in person. This was prior to going up before the judge. Just have to say that I'm very pleased with his kind but no-nonsense personality. If there is any relief, of course it is in God first. But my lawyer, second! Everyone who's with me, I'm also grateful to you.
So, it's obvious they're really out to get me; 'Sara' sunk her fangs into me with her lies. Now, her lies extend through the prosecution. Yeah, it's only their job. I was in court to set up a date for jury trial. What wound up happening was the prosecution trying to have me put in jail! Their second choice was that I see someone once a week for a U/A test! The reason?? Because Sara actually E-MAILED THE COURT to feed more lies about me to the prosecution!!! I just cannot believe that someone could do this!! CONTINUED...
So, it's obvious they're really out to get me; 'Sara' sunk her fangs into me with her lies. Now, her lies extend through the prosecution. Yeah, it's only their job. I was in court to set up a date for jury trial. What wound up happening was the prosecution trying to have me put in jail! Their second choice was that I see someone once a week for a U/A test! The reason?? Because Sara actually E-MAILED THE COURT to feed more lies about me to the prosecution!!! I just cannot believe that someone could do this!! CONTINUED...
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