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[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((( forgiven )))))))))))))))

As long as you are here, you are expressing you thoughts and feelings, people understanding and giving support, you aren't alone.

Keep trying, it is worth it in the end.

Warmie

[forgiven]

Obayan,Warmsoul,yea but it really feels like it,I mean I had the same Job for thirty plus years and last April I had to give it up due to Health reasons,
and I made really good money,but never really like it at all,I ask my Spouse about twenty years ago why she stayed with Me if she was so unhappy with Me,I have never forgotten her response "because My Kids can have more" and now sense I only get a check for about third of My pay,she does treat Me different and acts different about money issues,She throws that I work thing in there every now and then.
You guys,this may be wrong,but if We can get everything paid off as fare as debt,other than our House,then We can sale this House and split any equity.My plan is to move to Fla,buy a little two bedroom condo,close to a bay so I can Fish,Swimm,Boat and just enjoy life,there are some nice two B.R furnished for thirty to fourty thousand,in really nice 55 and up communities,I really don't see my Spouse in the picture,I no it's sad and it might be wrong of Me to see the future like this,sense I am Married.
But like I've said I can be unhappy alone.this may be kind of dumb but I have started putting little notes to myself,like on my Truck Mirror and other places saying stuff like,Don't let anyone steal your joy or you are worth having,I figured I been speaking negative to and about myself and that has work well,so why not speak positive and blessings upon myself,nothing to loss by trying this,right.
You guys it is really hard to reach out to people,I guess it's mostly a trust issue and fear of getting hurt,so I tend to ware my Mask a lot,you know put my Church face on,and other places,but it is hard,I'm sorry I know I may repeat myself,but the feelings due tend to go in circles at times.
Thank you guys for being out there listening,I will continue to pray for the many who are hurting.

[Obayan]

I think your dream of retirement is a good one. Sounds peacefull and content. And the notes are not a dumb idea at all! I have 5 sayings i say to myself every day.

Each morning when i get up i look in the mirror and i say out loud to myself:

1. I deserve to be loved.
2. I am a good person.
3. I deserve happiness.
4. I deserve peace in my life.
5. I deserve to be loved.

[forgiven]

Hon,perhaps a dream is all it is,I was just thinking I was wrong because I haven't included my Spouse in this dream,I just don't see it,I wish I did and I wish I had the hope that We would ever get close again,what happens to that Love that you seem to have for each other way back when?how do you loss that?I can remember when it almost hurt to be apart,now it hurts to be around each other.
Yes,I think We all need to be loved,deserve? It's sad,but I'm not sure I know how to love anyone anymore,so for someone to Love Me? I mean that deep down unconditional love,it seems sometimes people will love you if:
you have enough money,your body is the right size,you say and do all the right things and for Me as I get older I think about maybe I'm to old for someone to want Me,I have nothing to give or offer,it's like I just can't allow myself to be loved,Hon,these feelings are so confusing and there so
many poor souls feeling a lot of these feelings,I wish so that I could be more positive and uplifting,not in a fake way like some,but really real.

[Obayan]

Hang onto that dream. You will get there one day.