HELLO

[Catalia]

Im 29yrs old and a mother of 5. I come from a very loving family but unfortunately although I know they are trying they can't relate or understand my feelings about myself and my life...... this causes me to feel very lonely, withdrawn, and not even want to share for fear of being misunderstood

Now I am really trying to hold it together, trying really hard to hold everything up.... but I have run out of steam....smh I have no more drive .I saw so much more for myself and my children then what is going on right now.... I dont like to share my feelings because I feel so weak and pathetic at times.....I would love to love life and be able to be the mother I once was. I feel like Im cheating my children and I hate the idea of that but I really cant help it. I love them soooooo much but I know that they deserve better than me... days just seem so long.... at night I toss and turn... ive lost my appetite for food... but crave sugar.... then I decided to reach out and now I have very worried family and friends which makes me feel even worst. I dont see very much in my future just years of existing .... But my children mean the world to me so hopefully living thru them will help.... I just want to be happy!!!!!!!!

[balcony]

Hi Catalia and welcome to the forums. Catalia, a very strong hug. Five children at 29 years of age is an enormous responsibility. The physical and emotional exhaustion is tremendous. Under the best of circumstances I can understand why someone would feel overwhelmed, and out of control. If possible, I would consider talking with someone. You might need to work through the decisions you have made and your anxiety about the future. A counselor/therapist might help.
I am glad you are posting here, it is a safe place to express what you feel and please know that you are not alone with your feelings. I would also suggest you consider checking out our Chat room, it is another resource here at DU.
Take care, try to schedule breaks, fun breaks, for yourself to re-charge the battery a bit.
Hugs.