Need To Talk, Don't Feel Comfortable Calling a Helpline

[Jack_Doe]

Hi everyone..... not sure how long I've been depressed but I believe I have suffered with it on and off throughout my life. I am 27 years old and now I believe it is time to get some help because I need to live my life to It's full potential. I have not had a bad life really thus far, so here goes; my father left before I was born leaving my 20 year old mother to raise me alone (with some help from my amazing grandparents) and my mother didn't have any relationships with men while I was growing up either so most of my male influence was from two of her brothers who were only six and nine when I was born and my Papa who was an amazing man but struggled with booze for alot of years. My Father was a small part of my life from time to time as I remember watching movies and hanging out with him when I was about five or six. His family are great people but I dont really see them as family, his Father passed away this past July and it seems terrible to say but I didn't even feel bad. I felt sad for his family but not for myself. My mother did the best she could raising me on her own but for most of my childhood we were on Welfare and didn't really have anything, but she is a great woman, she instilled great values and morals in me and I love her dearly. I began to drink and smoke when I was 12 and that soon led to smoking hash and weed and the occasional hit of acid by the time I was 14. I smoked weed daily until I was about 18 or 19, tried other drugs in my twenties but never have I struggled with addiction, except for the ciggarettes. I'm begining to ramble on here so I'm just going to get to the point. I am a very bad procrastanator, I don't like to confront my problems, I have no self confidence, I think very low of my self, etc. I sometimes contemplate suicide but I know this is not an option because I have my girlfriend, her six year old son, my mother.... I just couldn't do something like that to them. But there are many things in my life that I need to get in order, getting my drivers licence for instance, that I keep putting off. I realize that I have something blocking this... I know I just have to do it, I don't know what is holding me back from realizing my full potential and I belive I need to talk to a professional counseller but I can't get the courage to pick up a phone and admit I have a problem. I just want to know if anyone out there has had a similar problem and what they did to overcome this blockage. I know this message seems all over the place but I just need some help. Thanks

[jj]

hi Jack_Doe

yes i experienced a similar thing. it took me 4 years to stop being in denial and to get myself the help i needed. i guess in coming here youve made the first big step towards getting better. for me, i found the chatroom for this site first, infact it was one year ago today that i found it. i had just had enough of hurting being hurt hurting myself etc, and it took a couple of months talking with people then i realised that its my life and i need to grab it an take control of it.i guess i reached a point where enough was enough and i couldnt carry on the way in which i had been. finding this place was certainly the first step in overcoming my struggle to get help, and talking with people was the second step. a big part of it was being afraid and ashamed of what was going on, but in talking to people i realised i was not alone and i didnt need to feel that way, and it is alot more common than i thought, and it is okay to ask for help. its good that you know that a counsellor would be good, its one step, a big step, and a scary one, but once you do it and its all out there it will be alot of weight off your shoulders i think.

hope this helped somewhat

jj

[crystalgaze]

There is something I will ask you, so that you can think about it.

In the last part of your post, the line where you said you have no self-confidence, etc., my question is: Why? Did something happen? Is it something or a set of things you tell yourself?

In the case of the driver's license, what is preventing you from trying? Is it money? Is it that you will not have a car to practice? Is it that you just don't want to do it? Lack of motivation/inspiration? Do you feel you will fail or be a bad driver? No moral support? Fear?

(Don't worry about this because I was horrible for close to 10 years, but got better. Shoot, I even have confidence to parallel park; however, I won't do it if it's a tight spot. It took me so long; I could never get it straight in my head. Which way do I turn the wheel again? What? To anyone who saw me, it was comical, but I got better.)

Use your girlfriend/Mom as inspiration. (e.g. One day soon, I'd like to drive them around town....)

Even though your life wasn't exactly a smooth one, you are strong enough & will be/are a good man. If you strive for truth & use that truth you find out about yourself to improve, you will be just fine.

You are off to a great start; now, GO FOR IT. Don't look back. Just go for it.